Language shapes how we think, feel, and interact with the world. Words can empower, but they can also harm, perpetuate violence, and reinforce oppressive ideologies. When it comes to sexual assault and domestic violence, misogyny plays a big role in the way we talk about these issues. It matters deeply, and a blasé attitude toward language and how we use it perpetuates that cycle of violence.
Recently, a troubling phrase—“your body, my choice”—has gained traction online and in casual conversations, highlighting the insidious ways harmful ideas can spread through language.
Let’s not sugar coat it: that phrase is meant to be a threat. Rape threats and other sexist posts have been going viral since the election, and it’s part of a broader pattern and problem.
The Rise of “Your Body, My Choice”
Originally a satirical twist on the pro-choice slogan “my body, my choice,” the phrase “your body, my choice” has been used as a “joke” on social media, often in memes or videos. The phrase has also been seen on T-shirts and other merchandise.
Its popularity has been attributed to white supremacist Nick Fuentes (crazy that a white supremacist has a following large enough to make a trend, but I digress). Fuentes posted “Your body, my choice. Forever,” after election night. Instances of the phrase increased 4,600 percent on X during the last two weeks, according to a report. Meanwhile, Fuentes’s original post has been reposted more than 35,000 times.
But that isn’t where Fuentes stopped. He went on his podcast and proclaimed, “Hey b***h we control your bodies. Guys win again, men win again. … There will never, ever be a female president. Never! It’s over. Glass ceiling? Dude it’s a ceiling made of f*****g bricks – you will never break it. Your stupid faces keep hitting the brick ceiling. We will keep you down forever. You will never control your own bodies. Never going to happen, sweetie.”
In addition to “your body, my choice,” phrases like “get back in the kitchen,” and “repeal the 19th” (the constitutional amendment that gave women the right to vote) also skyrocketed in postings and searches.
Posts and conversations like these may appear to some as edgy humor, but their underlying message is far from benign. This language mocks bodily autonomy, trivializing a fundamental human right that should be universally upheld: the right to control one’s own body. It normalizes control. It emboldens people to act like this outside of online spaces. It puts people, namely women, in real danger.
For survivors of sexual assault or domestic violence, hearing this phrase can feel like a slap in the face. It mirrors the attitudes of those who once disregarded their autonomy and reinforces a culture where control, dominance, and coercion are normalized. It’s not just about a phrase trending online—it’s about the real-world harm that such ideas perpetuate.
Why It’s Harmful
The phrase “your body, my choice” hinges on the dangerous implication of ownership. It suggests that another person’s body and choices can be controlled, ridiculed, or overruled. This mindset isn’t just a joke; it’s a foundation for abuse. The thing about jokes is that if they are repeated and normalized enough, they become reality.
In cases of domestic violence, for example, the abuser often justifies their actions with a sense of entitlement over their partner. Phrases like “you’re mine,” “you belong to me,” or “I’ll decide what’s best for you” echo the same sentiment.
Beyond personal relationships, this rhetoric reinforces societal power imbalances. Think of catcalling, where strangers assert their perceived right to comment on someone’s body, or online harassment, where women and marginalized individuals are reduced to objects of ridicule or desire. These behaviors aren’t isolated incidents—they stem from a culture where autonomy isn’t universally respected.
Other phrases that perpetuate harm include:
- “She’s too sensitive” or “Can’t you take a joke?” These dismiss concerns about harmful language, silencing those who speak up.
- “He’s just being a man.” This phrase undermines accountability.
- “Well, what did they do to provoke that?” This shifts the blame onto survivors instead of addressing the actions of perpetrators.
The normalization of such language creates an environment where abuse can thrive unchecked.
Combating Harmful Language
Addressing harmful language starts with acknowledgment and action. Here’s how we can confront phrases like “your body, my choice” and challenge the ideologies they reflect:
- Call It Out
When you hear harmful phrases, don’t let them slide. Respond with curiosity or firmness. Asking something like, “Why do you think that’s funny?” or “Can you explain the joke?” forces the person to reflect (even if just momentarily) on their “joke.” You could also say something simple like, “Ew. Lame,” to showcase your disapproval. Again, don’t let these jokes slide. These moments, though uncomfortable, plant seeds for reflection.
- Educate Through Examples
Sometimes, people don’t realize the weight of their words. Use examples to illustrate the real-world consequences of trivializing autonomy. For instance, you could explain how mocking consent contributes to a culture where 1 in 3 women experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime.
- Promote Positive Language
Instead of allowing harmful jokes or dismissive comments to dominate conversations, model respectful language. Highlight words and actions that affirm agency, such as emphasizing consent, celebrating survivor resilience, stopping victim-blaming, and valuing equality.
- Engage in Broader Conversations
Bring these discussions into classrooms, workplaces, and community spaces. Hosting workshops on language’s role in fostering safety and respect can build a collective understanding of why phrases like “your body, my choice” are harmful.
- Support Survivors and Amplify Their Voices
Center survivors in conversations about violence and language. Phrases like “I believe you” and “How can I help?” are simple but impactful ways to offer support.
Shifting the Culture
This isn’t just about eradicating a single phrase—it’s about transforming the values we communicate and uphold as a society. Harmful language doesn’t exist in a vacuum; it reflects and reinforces systems of oppression, control, and violence. By rejecting phrases like “your body, my choice,” we take a stand against the cultures that normalize abuse and dismiss bodily autonomy.
Instead, we should strive to create a culture of empathy, where consent is celebrated, boundaries are respected, and everyone feels safe in their own skin. Words like “no” should carry weight, jokes shouldn’t punch down, and everyone should feel empowered to use their voice.
Every conversation is an opportunity to make a difference. Whether it’s correcting a harmful joke, discussing the importance of language with a friend, or advocating for survivors, we all have the power to contribute to a better world. Change begins with words, but the ripple effect can transform lives.
If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.
Written by Anniston Weber
This grant project is supported by the State General Fund for Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, sub-grant number 24-SGF-07, as administered by the Kansas Governor’s Grants Program. The opinions, findings, conclusions or recommendations expressed in this publication are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Office of Kansas Governor.
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