The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and celebration. However, for many, it can bring heightened stress, complicated family dynamics, and increased risks, particularly for those in abusive relationships. Creating a safety plan for the holidays can help navigate these challenges and provide a sense of control and preparedness. Whether you are facing potential danger or simply want to ensure a smoother holiday experience, a safety plan is an invaluable tool – and one you can create on your own or with the help of an Options Advocate.
Domestic violence calls to police rise by 20% in December, compared to other months of the year. There are many reasons for this, and those reasons can include:
- Increased Stress and Conflict: The holidays can amplify stress due to financial pressures, busy schedules, and heightened expectations. For individuals in abusive relationships, these stressors can escalate the frequency and severity of abuse.
- Limited Support Networks: During the holidays, support systems like schools, workplaces, and community services might be less accessible due to closures or holiday schedules.
- Family Gatherings: For some, attending gatherings with difficult family members can create emotionally or physically unsafe environments.
- Alcohol and Substance Use: Holiday celebrations often involve alcohol, which can increase the likelihood of abusive behavior or impair judgment when trying to stay safe.
Having a plan allows you to anticipate risks, set boundaries, and take proactive steps to protect yourself and your loved ones.
Creating your Holiday Safety Plan
- Identify Safe Spaces
Start by recognizing places where you feel safe. This could be a friend’s home, a specific room in your house, or a public location like a library or coffee shop. If you’re traveling, research local resources such as shelters, crisis centers, or supportive organizations in the area. - Establish a Support Network
Share your plan with trusted individuals who can provide emotional or physical support. Identify a few people you can call or text if you’re in distress. Make sure they know how to respond and can help without putting themselves or you at risk. - Set Boundaries for Gatherings
If family events are unavoidable, establish clear boundaries. Let someone know when you’ll arrive and leave and have an exit strategy. Drive yourself if possible, so you’re not reliant on others for transportation. - Prepare a Go-Bag
A go-bag is an essential tool for anyone facing potential danger. It should include:- Important documents (ID, passport, birth certificates)
- Essential medications
- Cash or a prepaid card
- A phone charger
- Clothes and personal hygiene items
- A list of emergency contacts
Keep this bag in a secure place, or even a secondary location, so that your abuser does not stumble upon it.
5. Develop Code Words
Create code words or phrases to communicate with trusted individuals discreetly. For example, saying, “I’m picking up the red sweater,” could mean you need immediate help. Phrases like these function to securely let the other person know you are in danger and need to get away from a situation.
6. Plan for Children or Dependents
If you have children or dependents, ensure they are part of the plan. Discuss safe places they can go and people they can trust. If age-appropriate, teach them how to call for help or use a code word.
7. Limit Social Media Sharing
Be cautious about sharing your location or holiday plans online. Abusers may use this information to track or manipulate you. Adjust privacy settings and avoid tagging your location in real time. Check that functions like SnapMaps or even “find my iPhone” are disabled.
8. Access Resources Ahead of Time
Before the holidays, research local and national resources. Save hotline numbers, addresses of shelters, and contact information for supportive organizations. Examples include:
Local resources:
- Options Domestic and Sexual Violence Services: (800-794-4624) or text HOPE to 847411
National resources:
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
9. Plan for Emergencies
Identify escape routes in your home and memorize them. If things escalate, know how to quickly leave or call for help. Keep your phone charged and accessible at all times.
10. Practice Self-Care
Prioritize activities that reduce stress and promote mental well-being. Whether it’s taking a walk, journaling, or meditating, carving out time for yourself can improve resilience and clarity.
Practical Advice for General Safety Planning
Even if you are not in an abusive relationship, a safety plan can help address holiday-related stress and unexpected situations:
- Time Management: Plan your schedule in advance, including downtime to rest and recharge. Avoid overcommitting to events.
- Budgeting: Set a holiday budget to avoid financial stress. Communicate gift expectations with friends and family to prevent misunderstandings.
- Transportation: Always have a backup transportation plan in case weather, delays, or other issues arise.
- Health and Wellness: Monitor your alcohol consumption and stay hydrated. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, step away to reset.
The holidays can be a challenging time, but having a safety plan ensures you’re prepared to handle potential risks with confidence. For those in abusive relationships, this can mean the difference between staying safe and feeling trapped. By taking proactive steps, you’re not only safeguarding your physical well-being but also fostering a sense of empowerment and control over your circumstances. Remember, help is always available, and you don’t have to face these challenges alone.
If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.
Written by Anniston Weber
This grant project is supported by the State General Fund for Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, sub-grant number 24-SGF-07, as administered by the Kansas Governor’s Grants Program. The opinions, findings, conclusions or recommendations expressed in this publication are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Office of Kansas Governor.