Posts by Morgan Hart

The Clothes Don't Tell the Story

The Clothes Don’t Tell the Story

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Exhibit Shatters Myths About Sexual Assault

On March 25th, Options is kicking off Sexual Assault Awareness Month with an art exhibit in the Taylor Gallery at Fort Hays State University. This exhibit, called “What Were You Wearing,” aims to shatter the myth that sexual assault was caused by the clothing that a survivor was wearing.

Each time a victim of sexual assault or rape gets asked what they were wearing during the attack, it heartlessly implies that they were responsible for the assault and could have prevented it by wearing different clothes. This sort of victim blaming drives responsibility away from a perpetrator and puts it on the victim’s shoulders.

Rape is not caused by clothing. Rape is caused by rapists.

To fight against the myth that sexual assault could be prevented by the victim alone, an art exhibition displaying what victims wore during the assault was created. This exhibit gives viewers the survivors’ perspective about their sexual assault. Specifically, the exhibit asks those to view it to understand that sexual assault and rape are never because of what a person was wearing.

The Options “What Were You Wearing” exhibit also features audio alongside the story text. To listen to a survivor tell you their story, all you have to do is scan the QR code next to the outfit.

The FHSU exhibit will be open from March 25th to March 28th from 8:30 AM until 4:30 PM.

This art installation features heavy themes and some of the the outfits feature stories with explicit language – so viewer discretion is advised. An advocate will be present during the open hours of the exhibit.

Throughout the month of April, Options will be hosting several more chances to see this art installation. Check back in with our social media for those dates!

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

The law behind the diss track - diving into Megan's Law

The law behind the diss track – diving into Megan’s Law

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Above Image from Business Insider Article

“These hoes don’t be mad at Megan, these hoes mad at Megan’s Law”

Have you heard these rap lyrics floating around on your TikTok, Twitter (or X), or Instagram feed?

If you haven’t – that’s ok. We’ll explain all of the rap-world beef soon.

The “Megan’s Law” line comes from an artist called Megan Thee Stallion’s song “HISS.” This line, and specifically, the law mentioned within the track, is getting quite a lot of attention on social media.

Caution: the video and song features explicit language and imagery.

Image from Rolling Stone Article

But why?

Well, Megan Thee Stallion’s song is a diss track against another famed female artist, Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj’s husband, Kenneth Petty, made headlines in 2022 when he was sentenced to home detention and probation for failing to register as a sex offender in California. As required by law, Petty must register as such due to his 1995 attempted rape conviction.

Minaj’s brother, Jelani Maraj, was convicted of predatory sexual assault of an 11-year-old girl in 2017. Three years later, he was sentenced to 25 years to life.

Along with her direct, relational ties to people who have committed these crimes, Minaj has repeatedly supported offenders like Daniel Hernandez (Tekashi 6ix9ine) who opened for Minaj and Future on their NICKIHNDRXX tour. Hernandez pleaded guilty to three felony counts of “use of a child in a sexual performance” in 2015.

Shortly after “HISS” was released, Minaj teased and eventually released her own track, causing this musical fight to blow up across social media. Many speculate that the “Megan’s Law” line was directly calling out Minaj and her association with sex offenders and pedophiles.

As for that particular lyric used by Megan Thee Stallion – the passing of the federal version of Megan’s Law, cited in the first verse of her “HISS” single, was inspired by the rape and murder of a seven-year-old girl in New Jersey in 1994.

And what, specifically, is Megan’s Law?

Megan’s Law is named in honor of Megan Kanka, who was raped and murdered in New Jersey in 1994. Unbeknownst to Megan Kanka and her family, they had been living across the street from a violent predator previously convicted of a sex offense against a child. Before the murder, Jesse Timmendequas had been convicted of assaulting two other children. Three years later, Timmendequas, Kanka’s neighbor, was finally convicted of Megan’s murder. In the wake of that tragedy, the Kankas sought to have local communities warned about sex offenders in the area.

In 1996, Megan’s Law, which is an amendment the Jacob Wetterling Crimes Against Children and Sexually Violent Offender Registration Act of 1994, resulted in the federal mandating of “public disclosure of information about registered sex offenders when required to protect the public.” Megan’s Law also authorizes local law enforcement agencies to notify the public about sex offender registrants found to be posing a risk to public safety. Sex offender laws at the state level are also often referred to under the same name, though exact details of those laws may differ.

To this point, individual states decide what information will be made available and how it should be disseminated. Commonly included information in the release is the offender’s name, picture, address, incarceration date, and offense of conviction. The information is often displayed on free public websites (like Facebook), but can also be published in newspapers, distributed in pamphlets, or through various other means. For example, anyone can look at the California Megan’s Law website and see that 4,140 registered sex offenders are listed in San Bernadino County. With no more than a city or county search, you can find out what the offender looks like, their name, and their address.

Image from Wikipedia

At the federal level, Megan’s Law requires persons convicted of sex crimes against children to notify local law enforcement of any change of address or employment after release from custody (prison or psychiatric facility). The notification requirement may be imposed for a fixed period—usually at least ten years—or permanently. Some states may legislate registration for all sex crimes, even if no minors were involved. It is a felony in most jurisdictions to fail to register or fail to update information.

Over the years, many people have unsuccessfully challenged the law, which has grown to include a wider net of offenders who may or may not actually pose threats to the community at large. Proponents think the current laws help community members, parents, and law enforcement officers recognize potential threats to young children as well as to adults. While a 2008 study found that the law has no tangible impact on keeping offenders from offending, the strongest benefit of the list is the potential for community members to arm themselves with knowledge. 

Moving back to the diss line itself – Minaj is not directly responsible for the actions of her family and friends, but the influence she wields is clear. The choice to use her platform to further legitimize the sexual predators in her life sends a message of normalization to the millions of people who hold her in high regard. Megan’s diss track served to call Minaj out on this fact, and this is one of those situations where art is certainly imitating life.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Stalking by Proxy

Stalking by Proxy

Posted on by Morgan Hart

“Could you tell me if he got a new job?”

“Her birthday was at the bowling alley this year. Her friend let me know.”

“Do you think you could tell me where they live?”

In the realm of online interactions, the term “proxy stalking” has gained prominence, highlighting a digital threat that operates in the shadows of virtual spaces. January is Stalking Awareness Month, and it is important to highlight some of the lesser-known tactics abusers may use to perpetrate harm on their victims.

Proxy stalking refers to the act of using intermediaries or third parties to observe, monitor, or gather information about a person. Unlike direct stalking, where the perpetrator engages directly with the target, proxy stalking introduces a layer of separation, making it challenging for the victim to identify the source of surveillance.

The proxy stalker typically employs friends, acquaintances, or even hired individuals to keep tabs on the target as a sort of third-party observer. These intermediaries might follow the victim’s online activities, report back to the stalker, or even gather information offline. On occasion, these parties may be perpetuating harassment without any active encouragement from the stalker. Sometimes, friends and families may be under the illusion that the person they are proxy stalking for is the victim and they are doing them a service.

One of the more commonly recognized forms of stalking by proxy is the commissioning of private investigators to locate the victim and to monitor their movements. The engagement of private detective services allows the stalker indirect access to expensive and sophisticated means of surveillance.

Photo by Daniele La Rosa Messina on Unsplash

Advanced surveillance tools, such as spyware, keyloggers, and other monitoring software, may be utilized to track the victim’s online interactions. This digital layer enhances the effectiveness of proxy stalking by providing real-time data.

Recognizing Signs of Proxy Stalking

Identifying proxy stalking can be challenging due to the indirect nature of the threat. However, certain signs may indicate that you are being observed through intermediaries:

  • Unexplained Information: If you come across personal details or information that you haven’t shared publicly, and it’s being referenced by acquaintances or strangers.
  • Unusual Interference in Relationships: If someone close to you suddenly exhibits a heightened interest in your relationships, regularly asks about your interactions, or tries to influence your connections.
  • Overly Detailed Knowledge: Friends or acquaintances who seem to possess an unusually detailed knowledge of your daily activities, routines, or plans, despite not having direct communication with you.
  • Intrusive Questions from Strangers: If strangers approach you with detailed knowledge about your life, activities, or relationships, it’s a red flag. This may suggest that someone is sharing your personal information without your consent.
  • Sudden Changes in Social Dynamics: If you notice abrupt shifts in your social circles, with certain individuals becoming unusually close or influential, it could be a result of proxy stalking. Pay attention to changes in your relationships and the dynamics within your friend groups.
  • Unwanted Involvement in Disputes: If you find yourself consistently caught up in disputes or conflicts that seem unrelated to your actions, it’s possible that someone is orchestrating these situations through proxy stalking.
  • Evidence of Offline Surveillance: Physical evidence, such as seeing the same unfamiliar person frequently in your vicinity or noticing signs of unauthorized access to your personal spaces, may indicate offline surveillance orchestrated through proxies.
  • Manipulative Messages or Interventions: If you receive messages or interventions from acquaintances that seem manipulative or coercive, encouraging specific actions or decisions, it could be a tactic employed by proxy stalkers.
  • Abnormal Online Monitoring: An increased awareness of your online activities by people who shouldn’t have such knowledge may indicate the involvement of proxy stalkers.
  • Pattern of Unwanted Attention: Recognize patterns of unwanted attention from different individuals. Take notice if you consistently experience unwarranted interest in your life from people who should not have access to certain information.
  • Feeling Constantly Watched or Monitored: Trust your instincts. If you consistently feel like you are being watched or monitored, even if you can’t pinpoint specific instances, it’s essential to take such feelings seriously and investigate further.

Protecting Yourself from Proxy Stalking

Secure Your Online Presence:

  • Regularly review and update privacy settings on social media platforms. Set your privacy settings to “friends only” or “private.”
  • Be cautious about accepting friend requests from unfamiliar individuals.
  • Limit the visibility of personal information to a trusted circle.

Educate Your Circle:

  • Inform friends and acquaintances about the importance of privacy and the potential risks of proxy stalking.
  • Encourage them to be cautious about sharing your personal information, online activities, or whereabouts with others.

Monitor Your Digital Footprint:

  • Regularly check for any unusual online activities or unfamiliar connections.
  • Be vigilant about the permissions granted to apps and review the list of devices accessing your accounts.

Employ Security Measures:

  • Use strong, unique passwords for your online accounts.
  • Enable two-factor authentication to add an extra layer of security.

Stay Informed about Digital Threats:

  • Keep yourself updated on emerging digital threats and privacy concerns.
  • Educate yourself on the latest cybersecurity practices to protect against various forms of online surveillance. Be aware of products like Air Tags or location tracking devices/apps you may have.
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Proxy stalking poses a unique set of challenges in the digital landscape, where the lines between online and offline interactions are increasingly blurred. By understanding the nature of this threat and implementing proactive measures, individuals can fortify their defenses against proxy stalking. Staying vigilant, securing online spaces, and fostering awareness within your digital circle are crucial steps in safeguarding your privacy in an interconnected world.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Behind the Holiday Glow: Addressing Domestic Violence During the Holiday Season

Behind the Holiday Glow: Addressing Domestic Violence During the Holiday Season

Posted on by Morgan Hart

When we think of the holiday season, most of us picture days full of festive lights, family gatherings, and gift-giving. Unfortunately, this is not the reality for many people around the globe and within our own communities. As we celebrate our year, it is essential to address a darker reality that often accompanies: the increase in domestic violence cases.

On average, police interventions related to domestic violence rise by 20% in December, compared to other months of the year. And, one of the highest reported time periods for instances of domestic violence is New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. While the holidays are meant to be a time of joy and connection, various factors contribute to a surge in incidents of domestic violence. 

Photo by Christian Erfurt on Unsplash
Photo by Zachary Kadolph on Unsplash
  • Financial Stress: Financial strain is a significant contributor to heightened tensions during the holidays. The pressure to buy gifts, host elaborate meals, and travel to be with family can lead to arguments over money. In households already grappling with financial difficulties, this stress can escalate into verbal or physical abuse.
  • Increased Substance Use: The holiday season often sees a rise in social events where alcohol and other substances are prevalent. For individuals already struggling with addiction issues, increased substance use can exacerbate violent tendencies. Substance abuse impairs judgment and self-control, making it a dangerous catalyst for domestic violence incidents.
  • Family Expectations and Tensions: The expectations associated with family gatherings during the holidays can create a breeding ground for tension. Whether it’s unmet expectations, unresolved family issues, or heightened emotions, these factors can contribute to arguments that escalate into violence.
  • Isolation and Loneliness: While the holidays are a time of togetherness for many, they can also amplify feelings of isolation for others. Individuals who feel lonely or excluded may experience heightened emotions, leading to conflicts within relationships. In some cases, this loneliness can exacerbate existing abusive dynamics.
  • Perceived Failures: The pressure to create a perfect holiday experience can lead to heightened stress and anxiety. Individuals who feel they are falling short of societal expectations may redirect their frustrations onto their partners or family members, resulting in abusive behavior.

While these are all potential reasons for the increase in cases, it is important to remember that abusers are still abusers – regardless of the stress they are under. These are explanations, not excuses for abusive behavior.

How to Keep Yourself Safe During the Holidays:

  • Plan Ahead: If you’re in a situation where you feel unsafe, consider creating a safety plan. This may involve identifying safe spaces in your home, having a bag packed with essentials ready to go, and establishing a code word or signal with a trusted friend or family member that indicates you need help.
  • Communicate Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and expectations with your partner or family members. Open and honest communication can help manage expectations and prevent misunderstandings that could escalate into violence.
  • Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or a support network if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Share your concerns and let them know how they can help. Sometimes, having a supportive person to talk to can make a significant difference.
  • Utilize Hotlines and Resources: Familiarize yourself with domestic violence hotlines and local resources. These organizations are equipped to provide guidance, support, and, if necessary, emergency intervention. Having this information readily available can be crucial in times of crisis. Options Domestic and Sexual Violence Services has an 18-county service area in northwest Kansas – and we operate 24/7.
  • Know Your Exit Strategies: Identify exit strategies for different scenarios. Whether it’s leaving the house to seek refuge at a friend’s place or having a plan to call for help, knowing what steps to take can be crucial in ensuring your safety.
  • Educate Yourself on Legal Protections: Familiarize yourself with legal protections available to victims of domestic violence. This may include obtaining a restraining order or seeking legal assistance to ensure your safety and well-being.
Photo by LinkedIn Sales Solutions on Unsplash
Photo by Fa Barboza on Unsplash

The Holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and celebration, but domestic violence doesn’t end even when the world is covered in holiday cheer. By understanding the contributing factors and taking proactive steps to prioritize safety, individuals can navigate the holidays with greater peace of mind. Remember that help is available, and no one deserves to live in fear. Reach out, seek support, and take the necessary steps to protect yourself and those you care about during this festive season.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Danny Masterson Case: What to do when someone you know is being accused.

Danny Masterson Case: What to do when someone you know is being accused.

Posted on by Morgan Hart

“Sometimes people we have loved and admired do horrible things. They might not do these things to us, and we only know who they were to us but that doesn’t mean they didn’t do the horrible things and to discredit the abused is a crime,” – Christina Ricci

There is no road map for navigating a relationship with someone you admired or respected doing something awful to another person.

On September 7, the That ’70s Show star, Danny Masterson, was sentenced by Los Angeles County Superior Court Judge Charlaine Olmedo to 30 years to life in prison after he was convicted on two of three rape counts. He will be eligible for parole in 25 years.

Shortly after the guilty verdict, the judge in the case purportedly received over 50 letters asking for leniency in Danny’s sentence, two of which came from Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis (co-stars of Masterson from That ‘70s Show). These letters wound up surfacing online, with Ashton calling Danny a “role model,” while Mila described him as an “outstanding older brother figure.”

Christina Ricci (From Daily Mail Article)

Christina Ricci shared a statement on social media that many have taken to be a response to the Danny Masterson sentencing and the support letters written by Mila and Ashton. “People we know as ‘awesome guys’ can be predators and abusers. It’s tough to accept but we have to. If we say we support victims — women, children, men, boys — then we must be able to take this stance.”

Ricci said that she has had personal experience with some of these “awesome guys” and made a call to support victims of abuse.

“Unfortunately, I’ve known lots of ‘awesome guys’ who were lovely to me who have been proven to be abusers privately. I’ve also had personal experience with this. Believe victims. It’s not easy to come forward. It’s not easy to get a conviction,” she added in a second post.

The way we talk about sexual assault in our culture makes it hard to address a situation like this, because rapists are depicted as either faceless monsters with no redeeming characteristics—someone you’d never be friends with in the first place—or misunderstood “nice guys” who didn’t really do anything wrong.

This case and the aftermath with other public figures has unintentionally highlighted one of the most difficult parts of reporting and seeking justice for sexual abuse – that people want to believe the people they associate with over the victim. We (understandably) have a difficult time believing that people we know, admire, and respect can be capable of a crime like sexual assault. We, as a society, have this idea that since “they were perfectly nice to me” they wouldn’t be capable of harming someone else.

So what should you do if you find out your friend has been accused of abuse or perpetrated sexual violence?

Start by believing the survivor.

Often, the desire to protect our friends is overwhelming. But evidence shows that people rarely lie about abuse. Official reports to law enforcement that are made show that only approximately 2-10% are concluded to be false or unsupported, a rate no higher than any other accusation of crime and usually associated with extenuating circumstances such as a history of litigation abuse. This is comparable to the rate of other falsely reported crimes (like theft, kidnapping, etc.).

It is also important to note as well that of these reports, many are not “false” (as in factually proven not to have occurred) but rather “baseless” (unable to be substantiated by law enforcement according to relevant legal definitions), which accounts for the disparity in the percentage. It takes a lot to come forward about domestic violence and sexual abuse, so believing survivors is important. It is also, based on the data, the most logical place to begin.

Believing the survivor can go a long way.

Take time to process.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

It can be hard to reconcile these two truths: how do you acknowledge that someone who’s had your back for years, who’s been a friend and an integrated part of your life, can also commit an atrocity?

Unfortunately, even people who are capable of wonderful things are also capable of violence. But, people who cause harm are often as good at finding allies as they are at finding and exploiting the vulnerability in a partner or family member.

Realizing that your friend or loved one is choosing harm can be very difficult emotionally. You will probably experience a large range of emotions including surprise, confusion, and anger – and sometimes all of it at once. Discovering that a friend is abusive or has committed sexual assault will fundamentally alter the way you see that person, and in that way, it is very similar to loss.

Sit with these feelings. Acknowledge them. Allow yourself to feel these feelings safely. This may mean speaking to someone else about it, but if you do, be mindful that you are not putting the survivor in jeopardy by speaking to a mutual friend who might repeat what you say to your friend, to the survivor, or to law enforcement. If you don’t have anyone you can speak to that isn’t a mutual or uninvolved with the situation in question, you can call a domestic violence or sexual assault hotline. Those numbers are for you, too. At Options, our hotline operates 24/7, so if you need to talk to someone about your experience, feel free to call.

Photo by Marissa Grootes on Unsplash

Make a plan for moving forward.

This plan is going to vary depending on the specifics of the situation. Every domestic violence and sexual assault case is different, and what you do with this information needs to be handled very carefully so that everyone involved stays safe.

At this point, you might choose support the survivor. If the survivor is open to it, they may ask you for help finding resources, or for emotional support. There is most likely a reason they trusted you with this information if they disclosed to you directly. This means they see you as a safe person.

If you haven’t heard this information directly from the survivor, it may be appropriate to reach out. Be advised that the survivor may not be ready to talk about their situation, so do not pressure them for information. 

You might also have a conversation with your friend. This should only be done if it is safe for both you and the survivor to do so, and it should only ever be done with the consent of the survivor. Not getting the consent of the survivor could result in them being harmed further in retaliation, so this is crucially important. It can also be difficult to acknowledge this – but be aware of the fact that your friend may bend the truth of the situation to keep you “on their side.”

Remember that people who do good things are still capable of harm. 

You might know your friend as an amazing person who helps out in the community. They may be charming, kind, and charitable. It might come as a complete surprise that this person is abusive. Remember, everyone is capable of choosing harm. While it is absolutely possible to still have compassion and love for this person, those feelings should never cross the line into justification of abusive actions or minimization of the survivor’s struggle. Remember that causing harm in this way is always a choice. 

People who are good in public still sometimes choose violence in private. It’s common for unsafe people to intentionally foster a positive public reputation and groom allies as a way of isolating a survivor from potential help and to conceal the harm they’re doing.

Consider distancing yourself from this friend. 

Although change is possible, it’s very difficult and takes a lot of time, personal effort, and appropriate support from other people which balances compassion with accountability (rather than collusion or condemnation). If love alone were enough to “change” someone, then there would be far fewer survivors in this world and much less need for crisis intervention services.

The decision to change from someone who causes harm to others must come from the abusive individual alone, and it takes a lot of work and effort. Many individuals who choose harm do so as a pattern of behavior and will engage in this pattern again when opportunity with lack of sufficiently deterring consequences arises.

Strongly consider either distancing yourself from this person or establishing new boundaries and expectations in your friendship: choosing to remain in the friendship with no change at all in your dynamic would be taken as implicit permission for your friend to continue the harm.

Understand that you are not alone in this struggle. 

Domestic violence and sexual abuse are complicated issues with a lot of nuances, and they affect countless individuals. You are not alone, and you do not have to feel helpless in the fight to break the cycle of violence. To help end sexual violence, we must start with believing survivors – even when it is those we know committing the harm.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Navigating the Digital Age: Protecting Teens from Cyberbullying and Cyberstalking

Navigating the Digital Age: Protecting Teens from Cyberbullying and Cyberstalking

Posted on by Morgan Hart

In today’s digital age, technology intertwines with every aspect of our lives. We exist in a virtual realm – with a large portion of our lives documented online. High school students are now navigating a new set of challenges that were virtually nonexistent a few decades ago – cyberbullying and cyberstalking. While the online world brings immense opportunities for learning and connection, it also poses serious threats to the mental and emotional well-being of teens. If not caught soon enough, there can be serious immediate repercussions as well as long-lasting side effects.

Cyberbullying and cyberstalking have rapidly become some of the most pressing issues affecting adolescents. In essence, cyberbullying refers to the act of using digital communication platforms to intentionally harm, threaten, or harass someone, usually repeatedly. Cyberstalking, on the other hand, involves persistent and unwanted online attention, often driven by malice or an intention to control.

Would you like to know more about this topic? On September 17th, 2023, The founder of the Stop Trafficking Project – Russ Tuttle – will be presenting at Beach Schmidt Performing Arts Center in Hays. His presentation takes place at 7 p.m. and is free admission.

The cloak of anonymity that the online world provides can embolden individuals to engage in behavior they might never consider in person. Teens can be particularly vulnerable targets due to their still-developing emotional coping mechanisms and the relentless nature of online interactions. The impacts of cyberbullying and cyberstalking can be devastating, leading to feelings of isolation, anxiety, depression, and even suicide. As parents and educators, it is crucial that we understand the signs and equip ourselves to protect teens.

Identifying whether a teenager is a victim of cyberbullying or cyberstalking can be challenging, as they might not always open up about their struggles. However, some common signs might indicate their involvement in such incidents:

  • Emotional Distress: Sudden changes in mood, irritability, anxiety, and withdrawal from friends and activities they once enjoyed.
  • Reluctance to Use Devices: Drastic avoidance of using computers, smartphones, or social media platforms.
  • Hesitancy to Attend School: A decline in academic performance or repeated attempts to skip school could be indicative of offline bullying stemming from online incidents.
  • Change in Social Patterns: Drifting away from friends, reluctance to interact with peers, and isolation from social gatherings.
  • Unusual Online Behavior: A sudden change in online behavior, such as abruptly deleting social media accounts or avoiding specific platforms.
Photo by Surface on Unsplash
Photo by Soundtrap on Unsplash

Empowerment Through Education: Tips for Parents

In the digital age, the responsibility to protect children extends into the online realm as well. Here are some essential tips to help you safeguard your teens from cyberbullying and cyberstalking:

  • Open Communication: Create an environment where your teenager feels comfortable discussing their online experiences without fear of judgment. Regularly check in with them about their digital interactions.
  • Educate About Online Behavior: Teach your teens about appropriate online behavior, empathy, and the consequences of their actions. Help them understand the importance of treating others with respect, both offline and online.
  • Privacy Settings and Security: Familiarize yourself with the privacy settings of the platforms your teenager uses. Encourage them to keep their personal information private and use strong, unique passwords.
  • Stay Informed: Be aware of the apps, websites, and social media platforms your teenager uses. Stay informed about the latest trends in online behavior and technology.
  • Encourage Reporting: Let your teen know that they can always come to you if they experience any form of online harassment. Teach them to report abusive content or behavior on social media platforms.
  • Limit Screen Time: While technology is essential for various aspects of life, setting reasonable limits on screen time can help reduce the chances of exposure to negative online interactions.
  • Model Healthy Behavior: As a parent, you are a role model. Demonstrate responsible online behavior and digital etiquette to set a positive example for your teenager.

Navigating the Digital World: Tips for Teens

Teenagers themselves have a vital role to play in ensuring their own online safety. By adopting responsible online habits and knowing how to respond to cyberbullying and cyberstalking, they can better protect themselves:

  • Protect Personal Information: Be cautious about sharing personal details online. Avoid posting sensitive information, such as your home address, school name, or contact details, publicly.
  • Think Before You Post: Encourage your friends to think before posting or sharing content that might be hurtful to others. Remember, once something is online, it can spread quickly and be difficult to erase.
  • Online Etiquette: Treat others online as you would in person. Use respectful language and avoid engaging in arguments that can escalate quickly.
  • Report and Block: If you encounter cyberbullying or cyberstalking, report the behavior to the platform’s administrators and consider blocking the individuals involved.
  • Talk to a Trusted Adult: If you’re facing online harassment or bullying, don’t hesitate to talk to a parent, teacher, counselor, or another trusted adult who can offer guidance and support.
  • Document Evidence: If you’re a victim of cyberbullying or cyberstalking, take screenshots or save messages as evidence. This can be useful if you need to involve authorities or school administrators.
  • Maintain Balance: Balance your online activities with offline ones. Engage in hobbies, sports, and social activities that don’t involve screens.
Photo by Soroush on Unsplash

In the realm of cyberbullying and cyberstalking, prevention and intervention require a collaborative approach between parents, educators, teenagers, and online platforms. By staying vigilant, fostering open communication, and promoting responsible online behavior, we can create a safer digital environment for our high school students.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Mark Your Calendars!

Join us on September 17th at 7 pm for an enlightening event featuring Russ Tuttle, founder of The Stop Trafficking Project. Hosted at Beach/Schmidt Performing Arts Center, this free event is open to adults aged 18 and above.

If the impactful Sound of Freedom film screening left you curious for more, don’t miss this opportunity to deepen your understanding of sex trafficking and online safety. Regardless of your background, profession, or location, we warmly invite you to join us and gain valuable insights.

Using "Therapy Language" to Abuse

Using “Therapy Language” to Abuse

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Within the past week, social media has been ablaze with the story of actor Jonah Hill being put on blast for text messages his ex-girlfriend, Sarah Brady, shared on Instagram. Brady is a 25-year-old professional surfer, photographer, and activist who decided to share the texts with her Instagram followers after deciding that “keeping it to myself was causing more damage to my mental health than sharing it could ever do.”

In the texts, Hill is allegedly seen talking about how Brady needs to remove certain photos of herself from her social media page. And, that him asking her to do this was simply him setting “boundaries.” Below is a screenshot of the text messages shared on her Instagram story (be advised: explicit language is used).

I would specifically like to point out Brady’s note at the bottom of her Instagram story – the mentioning of the misuse of the term “boundaries.”

Brady is completely correct. In this text exchange, Hill is allegedly bringing up boundaries he has in his relationships. However, that isn’t what a boundary truly is. A boundary is something that you impose upon yourself – not other people. Boundaries are values and rules you set for your own behavior, not rules you can enforce on other people.

In the text above (and subsequent message exchanges), Hill is not setting boundaries. He is dictating the behavior and friendships of others. Dictating who a person sees, what the person does, what activities a person is allowed to do or isn’t allowed to do – those aren’t boundaries, they’re rules. What Hill has allegedly done in these messages is manipulate the person he is in a relationship with.

This misuse of the word boundaries is something we see a lot happening in abusive relationships, and the internet has coined this phenomenon as “weaponized therapy language.” As in, the abuser tries to rationalize and normalize their abusive behavior by using language used in therapy (such as “boundaries,” or “self-care,” or “gaslighting”). Abusers use this type of language under the guise of prioritizing their mental health, when in reality all they are doing is validating their selfish actions.

Also, in these texts, Hill is allegedly essentially saying that if Brady continues her job, that he will leave her. Sarah Brady is a surfer, social media influencer, and model. For her job, it’s pretty expected of her to post images of herself in her swimming gear. I mean, she’s surfing in her pictures – what does he expect her to wear? From my personal perspective, what she posts is honestly pretty modest anyway (but even if it wasn’t this is not the way to approach that conversation). Plus – Hill initially sought out a relationship with Brady by commenting on her Instagram selfies.  

Jonah Hill is a 39-year-old man. A 39-year-old man who is very famous and has a massive following. He is in a tremendous position of power over Brady (and almost anyone else he would get into a relationship with), and he was threatening to end their relationship over her occupation, her friends, and her personal life if she did not change every aspect of herself. He was (whether inadvertently or purposefully) using his influence and power over her to persuade her to do what he wanted to stay in the relationship with him.

If your partner is trying to control your life (that includes what you post on social media) then that is abusive behavior. If your partner constantly makes you feel intimidated, insecure, or guilty for aspects of your life, you could be in a controlling relationship. Guilt and shame are a tool abusers use to gain influence over their victim – which is exactly what Hill is allegedly attempting to do in these text exchanges.

A good partner in a loving, healthy relationship will not control or manipulate you. A good partner will bring their concerns to you and set boundaries for themselves – not shame and guilt you into doing their bidding. If you feel like you are experiencing being controlled in a relationship, please feel free to reach out to Options. We’re here for you.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Transgender Victims of Violence and Abuse

Transgender Victims of Violence and Abuse

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Sexual assault affects people of all walks of life, and members of the LGBTQ+ community experience disproportionate rates of sexual victimization. But all too often the experiences and voices of this community are left out of the larger narrative. In some places offering help for abuse, services are only available for survivors who are cisgender or in heterosexual relationships. As a result, the unique experiences of this community are frequently left unseen, unacknowledged, and often times, invalidated.

1 in 2 transgender people are sexually assaulted.

We are currently living in a time where anti-trans “bathroom” bills are sweeping the nation. Proponents of these bills tout an unsubstantiated argument about safety: Male perverts and pedophiles disguised as women (faux transgender people) will troll women’s bathrooms and sexually assault our wives and daughters.

As these laws pass, this imagined victimization happening inside bathrooms at the hands of transgender people is more closely becoming a reality for transgender individuals.

In fact, transgender and gender-nonbinary people in the United States are at greater risk of sexual assault at schools, stores, and other public spaces that deny them access to bathrooms or locker rooms that match their sexual identity, according to a 2019 study.

Transgender people are over four times more likely than cisgender people to experience violent victimization, including rape, sexual assault, and aggravated or simple assault.

Photo by Baran Lotfollahi on Unsplash

Even though the rates of sexual violence are high, the majority of trans people do not or cannot access services following an assault, including:

  • Urgent medical care and/or a forensic exam;
  • Reporting to law enforcement;
  • Getting the help of an advocate;
  • Gaining an order of protection or seeking other legal action;
  • Seeking long-term mental health care and healing options.

For LGBTQ+ survivors of sexual assault, their identities – and the discrimination they face surrounding those identities – make them hesitant to seek help from police, hospitals, shelters, or rape crisis centers, the very resources that are supposed to help them. In addition to this, many sexual assault services are only available to women– frequently only to non-transgender women. This often means that transgender survivors – transwomen, transmen, genderqueer individuals, and a wide range of other people of trans identities or histories– are unable to receive any services at all.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

Often, trans people experience multiple forms of violence and re-victimization throughout their lifespan. From child sexual abuse, to adolescent relationship abuse, to sexual assault and domestic violence in adulthood, trans people face all forms of violence at a disproportionately higher rate.

While also experiencing a higher rate of intimate partner violence, transgender individuals experience unique vulnerabilities to IPV. For example, transgender people might have been rejected by their families or subjected to emotional abuse as children and teens. Research found that 57 percent of transgender people experienced some rejection by family members. This early trauma may make them more likely to experience domestic violence later in life, experts say, and make them less likely to have family members they can turn to for support.

A 2020 study done by the American Public Health Association found that transgender people are two times more likely to be a victim of domestic violence than their cisgender counterparts.

If you or someone you love is looking for LGBTQ-specific resources, the following are nonprofits focused on reaching out to the LGBTQ+ community through education, sharing of stories, support, and activism:

LGBTQ+ sexual assault and domestic violence survivors need acknowledgement and support to heal. Violence and abuse do not discriminate, and survivors are not alone. We see you, we believe you, and we can help.

At Options, we serve all victims and survivors of sexual or domestic violence – regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation. All in need are welcome to access our services.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

2023 Survivors' Gardens

2023 Survivors’ Gardens

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Options is hosting our 3rd annual Survivors’ Iris Garden on May 31 in WaKeeney and June 1 in Quinter.

In floriography, the iris flower symbolizes faith, courage, valor, hope, and wisdom. While the blooms of this flower wither when cold weather arrives, colorful flowers reemerge each spring. During the dark days of winter, irises are a reminder that bright days lie ahead. Irises are always changing, and there are many different types of this flower.

These are the reasons why Options has chosen the symbol of the iris. Just like the flower, survivors are extremely courageous. We believe the flower serves as a reminder to survivors and victims’ that there is hope even during the darkest days. The Survivors’ Garden honors the courage and strength of will survivors of domestic and sexual violence empower themselves to escape the pain and fear of their experiences.

Victims and survivors need support now more than ever. Victim blaming runs rampant through the media which bleeds into our everyday lives. It is not uncommon for a victim of abuse to be relentlessly questioned and for abusers to go free. Excuses from abusers are accepted and victims are denied validation for the pain that was caused. We see these things unfold before our very eyes and then ask, “Why don’t victims ever tell?”

The Survivor Garden is a reminder that we are with you, in your community, reaching out to you to help end domestic & sexual violence. Join us during this event and be a part of something that will encourage strength and inspiration. We ask participants to write an encouraging message to survivors on an iris card and help us plant these in the ground during our event.

The WaKeeney Survivor Garden is on May 31 at 716 N 6th St, WaKeeney, KS at 3 p.m. The Quinter Survivor Garden is on June 1 at the Quinter Community Garden (Corner of Main & Fifth) at 5:30 p.m.

We thank you for your cares, prayers, and shares – the seeds we plant together, as a community in solidarity, send the message that with us, survivors of Domestic and Sexual Violence receive help, hope, and healing.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Rape Culture on College Campuses

Rape Culture on College Campuses

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Rape culture is the normalization of behaviors and environments that enable sexual assault and rape. This April, during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, it’s important that we focus on rape culture and how it influences the acceptance or normalization of sexual assault.

When I was entering college – and even during some of my high school events – I had some rules drilled into my brain:

  1. Don’t ever walk alone at night.
  2. Always carry pepper spray. If you don’t have pepper spray, carry your car keys between your fingers.
  3. Be aware of where all of the streetlights are.
  4. When you get into your car at night, glance underneath the car in case someone was hiding underneath. Always check the backseat.
  5. Never walk alone with headphones in.
  6. Watch your drinks.

A lot of my male friends and the men I’m around in my daily life don’t understand what I mean when I say “rape culture.” They haven’t been told countless times to not go out alone or to make sure they don’t leave their drink unattended for even a minute. They aren’t usually scolded for wearing clothing that is “too revealing” when they’re just wearing shorts or a skirt.

This is because we live in a culture that focuses on “harm reduction” rather than stopping the issue at the source. We place blame on the victim for not being smart enough to avoid being raped – rather than condemning rape altogether. People blame victims to distance themselves from an unpleasant occurrence and thereby confirm their own invulnerability to the risk. By labeling or accusing the victim, others can see the victim as different from themselves. People reassure themselves by thinking, “Because I am not like her, because I do not do that, this would never happen to me.”

Rape culture impacts men negatively too. Girls can take advantage of guys just as much as guys can. Actually, because of rape culture and our societies tendency to associate sex with masculinity, men rarely associate being taken advantage of by a girl as a “bad thing” – even if it makes them uncomfortable. For example, it’s common to hear a man talk about his first sexual experience being with someone several years older than him while he was still a young teenager. Or when a female teacher sexually assaults a student – it’s often taken less seriously in media.

No, men don’t typically experience the same fear as women when walking at night. However, men experience a different obstacle just as much as women do: being told their feelings of being violated are invalid. Oftentimes, this culture causes men to stay silent after engaging in sexual activity against their will. 

Photo by Juan Domenech on Unsplash

The impact of rape culture is even more prevalent on college campuses. There is a direct correlation between college campuses and rape frequency. According to RAINN, 1 in 5 women will be sexually assaulted by the time they finish college, while 1 in 16 men will be sexually assaulted by the time they finish college. This statistic demonstrates how the setting of a college campus enables this harmful behavior. 

This culture is highlighted throughout college, but specifically Greek life and fraternities. Greek life’s role in rape culture is certainly a prominent one. According to a 2019 study published by Sage Journals, fraternity members are three times more likely than nonmembers to rape someone. This is largely in part because observers (other fraternity brothers) were less likely to hold fraternity members accountable for sexual assault. Thus, the culture of protection appears to apply to fraternity members because they are “protected” by being perceived as less responsible for sexual assault, and their victims perceived as more responsible, than nonmembers. But the harmful effects of rape culture appear in college environments beyond just fraternities.

According to RAINN, most college-age victims do not report sexual violence on campus. This is especially the case for college-age women. Only about 20% of female college students report sexual assaults to authorities. The reasons college women may decide not to report assaults include embarrassment and fear the crime will happen again. Like women, male victims report sexual assault at low rates, potentially due to shame, humiliation, or the stigma surrounding men being vulnerable. In most sexual assault cases, the perpetrator is either a family member, an acquaintance, or someone the victim knows. Just 19.5% of rape cases are committed by a stranger. If a survivor knows the person who assaulted them, they may decide not to report the act of violence for many reasons, such as fearing for their safety or worrying about reprisals from their social circle.

There is a need, specifically on college campuses, to feel validated by other peers, thus causing victims to stay silent about unwanted sexual experiences. We must work to destroy the social atmospheres that promote and enable rape culture and the silence behind it. Rape culture on college campuses impacts all genders, and the social environment on many campuses creates an atmosphere in which the voices of victims are silenced. 

During this Sexual Assault Awareness Month, it is most important to remember that survivors are not responsible for having been assaulted. Sexual violence can happen to anyone, regardless of gender or age. Often, those who assault other people seek power and control over others.

Photo by Sir Manuel on Unsplash
Photo by kevin turcios on Unsplash

If You’ve Been Sexually Assaulted

  • Get to a Safe Place: Survivors often experience fear and disorientation after sexual violence. However, those who are attacked should immediately leave the location where the attack occurred and find a safe place.
  • Document What Happened: Predators often know their victims; therefore, survivors should compile proof of communication, if applicable. While difficult to consider, victims should not change their clothing or shower because authorities can use kits to confirm the perpetrator’s DNA.
  • Reach Out for Help and Support: Victims who go straight to the hospital can get help from local authorities to file a report. They can also call Options at 1-800-794-4624 or text HOPE to 847411 to be connected to an advocate that can help them through the reporting and medical process. Options advocates can help a victim navigate through their choices without judgement or pressure.
  • Seek Medical Attention: Receiving immediate medical attention may be crucial. Health practitioners are also able to collect samples during a sexual assault nurse examination to confirm the identity of the perpetrator. Healthcare facilities also offer screening for STIs and medicine that can help reduce the risk of HIV.
Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash

If Someone You Know Has Been Sexually Assaulted

  • Safety is the most important thing at this time. Help the victim reach a safe location away from the assailant. Make the victim feel as safe as possible.
  • Many survivors blame themselves for the attack. Emphasize to the survivor that the sexual assault was not their fault.
  • Strive to be a supportive listener. Thank the victim for telling you it happened. Tell them you believe their story and that they don’t have to deal with this alone.
  • If you saw the attacker or witnessed any part of the sexual assault, take detailed notes about what you saw. Accompany the survivor to a hospital and ensure they meet with medical professionals specializing in sexual assault trauma.
  • Don’t forget to follow up with the victim. Encourage them to seek counseling and join support groups. Options has several support groups available, including one tailored towards college-aged individuals who have experienced sexual assault. Contact our Campus Advocate Anniston Weber at [email protected] for more information or call our hotline.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber