Posts by Morgan Hart

Why do Victims Stay?

Why do Victims Stay?

Posted on by Morgan Hart

On average, it takes 7 attempts for a victim of abuse to permanently leave the relationship.

Leaving is considered to be one of the most dangerous times in a domestic violence situation. Abusers will repeatedly go to extremes in order to keep their victim from leaving. The Bureau of Statistics reports that each day in the US, three women are murdered by current or former intimate partner. In interviews with men who have killed their wives that either threats of separation by their partner or actual separations were most often the precipitating events that lead to the murder.

This reality is what kept Sarah (not her real name) from leaving her abuser.

Photo by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash

“I have children who need their mom,” she said. “He would threaten to shoot me any time I would pack a bag. He’d watch my every move for weeks if I even hinted that I was thinking about leaving. I couldn’t risk it when I know how much my kids need me.”

Sarah recalls that she attempted to leave her abusive partner over 10 times.

“I was just afraid to tell anyone what was going on. I hid this secret for years. I couldn’t handle any more judgement,” she said. “I didn’t want anyone to think I was weak for going back. I don’t think I was weak, though. I was just so, so scared. I had to deal with a man who was twice my size threatening to kill me if I walked out of our front door. He ruined my self-esteem. He called me names daily. I put up with it because I was afraid.”

A victim’s reasons for staying with their abusers are extremely complex and, in most cases, are based on the reality that their abuser will follow through with the threats they have used to keep them trapped. These threats could be that the abuser will hurt or kill them, they will hurt or kill the kids, they will win custody of the children, they will harm or kill pets or others, they will ruin their victim financially – the list goes on.

The victim in violent relationships knows their abuser best and understands the extent to which they will go to make sure they have and can maintain control. The victim may not be able to safely escape or protect those they love. A recent study done by the American Public Health found 20% of homicide victims were not the domestic violence victims themselves, but family members, friends, neighbors, persons who intervened, law enforcement responders, or bystanders. So, to put it simply, sometimes victims of abuse will not leave to protect those outside of the relationship that they care for.

Along with retaliation violence from an abuser, here are a few other reasons a victim of abuse may choose to stay:

  • Unsupportive friends and family.
  • Knowledge of the difficulties of single parenting and reduced financial circumstances.
  • The victim’s lack of knowledge of or access to safety and support.
  • Fear of losing custody of any children if they leave or divorce their abuser or fear the abuser will hurt, or even kill, their children.
  • Lack of means to support themselves and/or their children financially or lack of access to cash, bank accounts, or assets.
  • Lack of having somewhere to go and a fear that homelessness may be their only option if they leave.
  • Religious or cultural beliefs and practices may not support divorce or may dictate outdated gender roles and keep the victim trapped in the relationship.
  • Belief that two parent households are better for children, despite abuse.
  • The victim feeling that the relationship is a mix of good times, love and hope along with the manipulation, intimidation and fear.

Another survivor, Laura (not her real name), shared that her abuser had fully manipulated her into believing that he would change.

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

“I so badly wanted to think that things would get better, that he was just having a rough time at work or that the holidays were stressing him out,” she said. “When things were good, they were so good. I don’t think people understand that.”

Laura explained that her abuser would go through periods of showering her with positive attention. He would buy her flowers weekly, he treated her to nice dinners, he’d compliment her regularly, and he would offer to help with chores around their home.

Slowly, though, Laura said that these acts went away and were replaced with violence.

“It’s like he was holding all of these nice things he used to do for me over my head,” she said. “I remember the first time he hit me on the back of the head, and the next day he sent me flowers to my office. When I’d try to talk to him about it, he’d get defensive and say that the flowers were his apology, and I should be over it by now.”

Laura said she desperately wanted to believe that the good times would return to their relationship.

“I had seen what he was like before the abuse started. That’s the man I fell in love with,” she said. “It was almost like clockwork. He’d go months of treating me amazingly and then a switch would flip, and he’d start telling me I was worthless, stupid, fat, and annoying. Then he’d start hitting me if I didn’t clean the house the right way or say the right things to him. It was hell.”

Both Sarah and Laura are survivors of abuse from Northwest Kansas. They have bravely shared their stories to bring awareness to domestic violence and the challenges victims face when they are attempting to leave an abusive relationship.

Thanks to organizations like Options Domestic & Sexual Violence Services, Laura and Sarah are now living away from their abuser and free from abuse.

Options is celebrating Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Be on the lookout for more blog posts from us during the month of October, including information on how you can help individuals who are in abusive relationships.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

October Events

October Events

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Options has several community activities and exhibits coming up during October in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Below is a list of the public events that community members are encouraged to attend or visit.

Tree Lighting Ceremonies

Join Options for a tree lighting ceremony honoring victims and survivors of domestic abuse. A poem will be read, and the winners of our Turn the Lights SalON contest will be announced. The tree will shine purple through the duration of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Hill City
Date: 10/3/2022
Location: East City Park, Hill City, KS 67642
Time: 7 pm

Hays
Date: 10/4/2022
Location: Union Pacific Park, 10th & Main Street Hays, KS 67601
Time: 7 pm

Colby
Date: 10/5/2022
Location: Fike Park, Colby, KS 67701
Time: 7 pm

 

Turn the Lights SalON! Contest

Salons across Northwest Kansas are decorating their windows with purple lights and accessories to bring awareness to domestic abuse. Travel around the town to view their window displays!

Participating Salons in Hays, Hill City, Colby, and Atwood

Winners announced at Tree Lighting Ceremony (Atwood will be announced via social media).

 

 

 

In Her Shoes (Interactive Activity)

Visit this interactive exhibit where participants move, act, think, and make choices as a person experiencing an abusive relationship. Follow the cards in this “choose your own adventure” style activity that highlights the struggles of leaving and finding help. Content and trigger warning: This event contains triggering and sensitive materials. Domestic violence, sexual assault, and graphic scenes are all mentioned within this event. Advocates will be present at the event if you need assistance.

Hays
Date: 10/11/2022
Location: Hays Public Library, 1205 Main St, Hays, KS 67601
Time: 4:30 – 7:30 pm

Hill City
Date: 10/17/2022
Location: Graham County Library, 414 N West St, Hill City, KS 67642
Time: 2 – 5 pm

Atwood
Date: 10/20/2022
Location: Atwood Public Library, 102 S 6th St, Atwood, KS 67730
Time: 5 – 7:30 pm

Colby
Date: 10/28/2022
Location: Pioneer Memorial Library, 375 W 4th St, Colby, KS 67701
Time: 9:30 am – 4:30 pm

 

Paint the Town Purple

Paint the Town Purple is an “art therapy” event that encourages individuals to express themselves and their experiences through creating. Those who participate are encouraged to leave a piece of their artwork behind to be included in a larger art piece that will be displayed at the Options offices.         

Hays
Date: 10/16/2022
Location: Union Pacific Park, 10th & Main Street Hays, KS 67601
Time: 2 – 6 pm

Colby
Date: 10/21/2022
Location: Colby Community College Student Union, 1255 S Range Ave, Colby, KS 67701
Time: 9 am – 1 pm

 

 

Wear Purple Day

Wear purple on October 20 to show your support of victims and survivors of domestic violence.

All of Northwest Kansas (and beyond!)

Date: 10/20/2022

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

Posted on by Morgan Hart

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. During this time, it is important to raise awareness of this stigmatized, and often taboo, topic. We use this month to shift public perception, spread hope and share vital information to people affected by suicide. Friends, families, and individual people should have access to the resources they need to discuss suicide prevention and to seek help.

Suicidal thoughts, much like mental health conditions, can affect anyone regardless of age, gender or background. In fact, suicide is often the result of an untreated mental health condition. Suicidal thoughts, although common, should not be considered normal and often indicate more serious issues.

Suicide and Domestic Violence

Richard McKeon, PhD, chief of the suicide prevention branch at the U.S. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), says that survivors of intimate partner violence are twice as likely to attempt suicide multiple times.

Physical and psychological abuse by a partner may trigger suicidal thoughts. However, other underlying factors are relevant, which concern individual and social issues. If a person develops depression or posttraumatic stress from abuse, these mental conditions may contribute to suicide and suicide attempts. For example, some abused women with suicidal tendencies indicate that they still deal with the psychological effects of sexual, emotional, or physical maltreatment experienced as a child. Combined with factors of low esteem, these psychological effects can trigger suicidal thoughts when victims blame themselves for their abuse. Research also shows that females in domestic violence situations are more likely to attempt suicide when low levels of social support exist. This includes friends and family networks. With all factors, the likelihood of suicide increases when victims use drugs as a coping mechanism.

  • Female victims of domestic violence have eight times the risk for suicide compared with the general population.
  • Fifty percent of battered women who attempt suicide will perform subsequent attempts.
  • Married females experience lower suicide rates compared with single females; however, if domestic violence is present in the marriage, the risk of suicide increases
  • If a pregnant woman is a victim of domestic violence, the risk of suicide increases. 
Photo by Sneha Sivarajan on Unsplash
Photo by Simran Sood on Unsplash

Suicide and Sexual Assault

Survivors of sexual assault also face a much higher risk of suicidal feelings.

Research has shown that survivors of sexual violence are more likely to be diagnosed with disorders like Major Depressive Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Both diagnoses are two that have the most impact on stress and anxiety, only falling short to the anxiety disorders. When there is a presence of severe stress and anxiety, it is much easier to experience intrusive suicidal thoughts and contemplation of suicide. According to statistics, over 1/3 of women who have experienced sexual trauma have thought about suicide. 

Studies reveal that survivors whose first assault occurred before the age of 16 were at an even greater risk, with suicide attempts occurring three to four times more than in those assaulted after that age.

  • More than 1/3 of women rape survivors have contemplated suicide at some point after their assault.
  • 16 percent of rape victims have attempted suicide.
  • Survivors of sexual assault are 10 times more likely to attempt suicide than those who haven’t experienced sexual assault.
  • 94 percent of women who are raped experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) during the two weeks following the rape.
  • Approximately 70 percent of rape or sexual assault victims experience moderate to severe distress, a larger percentage than for any other violent crime.

However, suicide, just like sexual and domestic violence, is preventable. Health organizations and experts uniformly agree that two of the most powerful mechanisms to prevent suicide are educating yourself about the warning signs and understanding how to support a friend/loved one. 

How can I help someone who is suicidal?

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), these are the best ways to approach a friend or family member who may be experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Offer Steadfast Support

If your friend is experiencing suicidal ideation, that means they’re hurting immensely — and they likely want to talk about it and feel heard. You can show your support by listening and giving them your empathy and compassion. It’s important to express empathy and understanding when someone is sharing these difficult emotions with you. 
A few examples of compassionate statements:

  • “I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” It’s important to validate what your friend is feeling and experiencing. In addition, this statement shows that you care for and empathize with them.
  • “Can I bring you dinner? Would you like it if I came over?” Instead of asking if there’s anything you can do, think of a couple specific things that you could do to help or support your friend.  
  • “You mean so much to me. I can’t imagine life without you.” Take a moment to let your friend know just how much you love and care for them. You might even remind them of a funny or heartwarming memory. Be sure to do so in a calm, non-aggressive way. 
  • “I know that you’re in pain.”
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Validating how your friend is feeling and reiterating to them that you are there to help however you can let them know that they are not alone or wrong for feeling this way.  

Ask Questions

After listening to your friend, it’s then time to take a more active role in the conversation. Sometimes, an individual’s suicidal ideation isn’t obvious — but if you do have the slightest suspicion that your friend might be suicidal or is thinking about suicide, be direct and ask them about it. Here are a few questions you could ask:

  • Do you think about hurting yourself?
  • Do you think about dying?
  • Do you think your friends and family would be better off without you?

If they answer yes to any of these questions, then follow up with these questions: 

  • Do you have a plan?
  • ​Do you have the means to carry out that plan? 

Asking these questions will allow you to better gauge the severity of their symptoms and help you decide which step you need to take next.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

Know When It’s Time to Act

If you are having this conversation with a friend, it’s time to reach out to somebody. However, depending on whether your friend is actively suicidal (seriously considering suicide, has a plan or the means to carry out a plan) or experiencing suicidal ideation without any intention of acting on it (passively suicidal) — you need to make sure they are getting the appropriate level of care.
 
Option 1: Ensure they see a therapist.
If your friend is depressed, but not actively suicidal, you should encourage them to see a therapist if they aren’t already. You can help by offering to research and make calls if they are not feeling up to finding a therapist themselves. You should also check in regularly to see how they are and make sure their symptoms have not escalated toward crisis. 

Option 2: Seek immediate help.
If they convey that they are actively suicidal, you should get them help immediately. If they have a therapist or psychiatrist, call them to ask if they have a crisis plan in place or what you should do. If they don’t have a therapist, you should take them to the hospital for an evaluation. 
 
If you are a child or teenager, it is essential that you tell a trusted adult (parent, teacher, school counselor, doctor, church leader, family friend, etc.) — even if your friend tells you not to. 

What can I do to take care of myself?

Whether it be before, during, or after both the violent experience and/or suicidal ideation, there are many different ways that you can take care of yourself. It should be noted that these are easy/simple examples of things to do when you are not in a crisis state. If you are currently experiencing suicidal thoughts please contact a close friend, family member, or the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Photo by Yerlin Matu on Unsplash
Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash
Photo by Drew Coffman on Unsplash

Physical examples

  • What does your sleep schedule look like? What can you do to help get back into a steady sleep pattern and feel more rested?
  • What kind of food are you putting into your body? What food helps you feel capable of taking on the day?
  • Is there any kind of movement that you enjoy? What activities can you do to help fuel your imagination or physical needs?
  • How can you reset your routine? How might your routine look different with the unique circumstances in this moment? What can you do to start and/or end your day on a good note?

Emotional examples

  • What do you like to do for fun? What do you have to look forward to?
  • Do you like to journal? What words inspire you today?

Note: journaling does not have to be a novel of all of the day’s activities. It can be as simple as writing a mantra or three things you’re grateful for today.

  • Do you have a spiritual practice that brings you joy? What do you do to relax and rejuvenate? 
  • Who are people that can reach out to, that you trust? What are some ways you can be with them? 
  • Where is a special place you can go, whether it’s alone or with others, that helps you feel comfortable and grounded?

Through answering these questions, you can create a self-care routine that is best suited for your unique experience. If you have experienced se

Options works to support victims of domestic and sexual violence by providing resources to local mental health professionals. Our team of advocates are kind, understanding, and empathetic towards individuals who have experienced mental health related problems from their abuse.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Title IX - Know Your Rights

Title IX – Know Your Rights

Posted on by Morgan Hart

For most of us, August means winding down summer and returning to school.

Schools that receive federal funding must abide by a civil rights law known as Title IX. Under this law, when a student experiences sexual violence and notifies their school, the school is obligated to take measures to ensure that the student feels safe on campus and can fully access their education in the wake of violence. Student survivors do not have to officially report sexual violence to access accommodations like moving a test deadline or changing dorms, but some survivors choose to formally report so that the school can take action against their perpetrator. In other words, schools are bound by Title IX to help make sure sexual violence does not push a survivor out of school.

Photo by Jesús Rodríguez on Unsplash

But for some, telling Title IX officers about sexual violence brings about new problems that can add to the trauma of being assaulted. Slipping grades, fear of leaving a dorm room, or needing to transfer schools are all examples of what may happen to a survivor of sexual assault in a school setting.

A study done by Know Your IX (a youth advocacy group) found that 39% of sexual assault victims in college or university were forced to take a leave of absence from school, transfer to a new school, or drop out of school altogether. 35% of survivors report that their schools explicitly encourage them to take time off.

In addition to leaving school, more than 40% of survivors developed PTSD, more than one-third experienced anxiety, and more than one-quarter became depressed

Several survivors have explained that their PTSD, anxiety, or depression diagnosis were linked not only to the violence, but also to their schools’ responses to that violence. The shame that is sometimes placed upon an individual for reporting a crime (especially if the perpetrator is “well-liked” or heavily involved with sports or Greek Life) amounts to a large portion of the struggle with being assaulted.

In fact, 70% of survivors who reported to their school experienced adverse effects on their safety and privacy. Not only that, but 15% of survivors who reported to their schools were threatened with or faced punishment for coming forward. The most commonly reported forms were punishment for “ancillary misconduct,” the violence itself construed as the survivor’s own misconduct and speaking out.

For example, one survivor that participated in the Know Your IX study said that their school was more concerned with the fake ID they had used that night than the fact that they had been raped. Another survivor said that her school refused to protect her from being inappropriately touched during class – and she was punished for fighting back.

Survivors who report to their schools are also afraid of cross-filing. More than 1 in 5 survivors are threatened with a defamation suit for coming forward.

When schools prioritize the view of the perpetrator rather than the victim, it creates a distrust within the entire system. Title IX is in place to protect students and we should be motivating schools to follow through with these laws and believe survivors.

Photo by Monica Melton on Unsplash

Right now, the cost of reporting is high for student survivors – but it doesn’t have to be this way. Schools can take meaningful action to ensure that no student is denied equal access to education because of sexual violence and discrimination.

Mental health access on schools, academic accommodations, fair discipline processes, and finding ways to limit perpetrator backlash are all ways we can begin to improve our response to victims in schools.

The cost of an education should never include sexual violence.

At Options, we have staff members who will help you in the reporting process if you have experienced sexual assault. Reporting to Title IX can be a daunting task, but we are here to make sure that you get the representation and accommodations that you deserve. Advocates are here to help you.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

June is Elder Abuse Awareness Month

June is Elder Abuse Awareness Month

Posted on by Morgan Hart

June is also Elder Abuse Awareness Month.

Elder abuse is an intentional act or failure to act that causes or creates a risk of harm to an older adult. An older adult is considered to be someone age 60 or older. This kind of abuse can occur at the hands of a caregiver, family member, or another elderly patient if the elder is in a communal living setting. Common types of elder abuse include:

  • Physical Abuse. When an elder experiences illness, pain, injury, functional impairment, distress, or death as a result of the intentional use of physical force they are experiencing physical abuse. Physical force could be acts such as hitting, kicking, pushing, slapping, or burning.
  • Sexual Abuse. This involves forced or unwanted sexual interaction of any kind with an older adult. This may include unwanted sexual contact or penetration or non-contact acts such as sexual harassment.
  • Emotional or Psychological Abuse. Verbal or nonverbal behaviors that inflict anguish, mental pain, fear, or distress on an older adult are considered emotional and psychological abuse. Examples include humiliation or disrespect, verbal and non-verbal threats, harassment, and geographic or interpersonal isolation.
  • Neglect. The failure to meet an older adult’s basic needs. These needs include food, water, shelter, clothing, hygiene, and essential medical care.
  • Financial Abuse. The illegal, unauthorized, or improper use of an elder’s money, benefits, belongings, property, or assets for the benefit of someone other than the older adult.
Photo by Mari Lezhava on Unsplash

Why Does Elder Abuse Occur?

Many cases occur for the same reasons that it occurs in younger people. However, some aspects of elder abuse are unique. The elderly are oftentimes considered a vulnerable population. This is because many victims have dementia or other conditions that render them vulnerable. They are sometimes unable to communicate that they have been sexually assaulted or physically abused. This may be a reason they are targeted in the first place.

Another unique aspect of the sexual abuse of elders are situations in which patients with Alzheimer’s Disease or related dementias develop heightened sexual urges because of their disease. In community settings this can be extremely distressing to an older spouse who is trying to care for such a patient. Some of these health conditions also cause memory and judgement issues, allowing for them to be more susceptible to financial abuse.

Patient to patient abuse is another unique aspect of elder abuse since this occurs in nursing homes and other institutional settings. It can lead to sexual assault by one resident on another since many patients with dementia are typically living close together.

Elder abuse is a serious problem in the United States. Abuse, including neglect and exploitation, is experienced by about 1 in 6 people aged 60 and older who live at home. From 2002 to 2016, more than 643,000 older adults were treated in the emergency department for nonfatal assaults and over 19,000 homicides occurred. Rates of elder abuse are high in institutions such as nursing homes and long-term care facilities, with 2 in 3 staff reporting that they have committed abuse in the past year, according to the World Health Organization.

Elder abuse can have several physical and emotional effects on an older adult. Victims are fearful and anxious. They may have problems with trust and be wary of others. Many victims suffer physical injuries. Some are minor, like cuts, scratches, bruises, and welts. Others are more serious and can cause lasting disabilities. These include head injuries, broken bones, constant physical pain, and soreness. Physical injuries can also lead to premature death and make existing health problems worse.

There are several factors that may increase or decrease the risk of perpetrating and/or experiencing elder abuse. To prevent elder abuse, we must understand and address the factors that put people at risk for or protect them from violence.

You can help end elder abuse by:

  • Listening to older adults and their caregivers to understand their challenges and provide support.
  • Reporting abuse or suspected abuse to local adult protective services or the police.
  • Educating yourself and others about how to recognize and report elder abuse.
  • Learning how the signs of elder abuse differ from the normal aging process.
  • Checking in on older adults who may have few friends and family members.
  • Providing over-burdened caregivers with support such as help from friends, family, or local relief care groups; adult day care programs; counseling; outlets intended to promote emotional well-being.

The older adult population is growing faster in the U.S. than our younger populations. Many older adults require care and are vulnerable to violence perpetrated by a caregiver or someone they trust. More research is needed to uncover the causes for, and solutions to, violence against older adults.

Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

June is Pride Month!

June is Pride Month!

Posted on by Morgan Hart

June is Pride Month!

At Options, we serve people in need regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. Sexual and domestic violence impact every demographic and every community – including LGBTQ+ people. Because the majority of the domestic violence awareness movement has focused on heterosexual relationships, members of the LGBTQ community have been largely left out of conversation. However, recent research by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) shows that LGBTQ+ members fall victim to domestic and sexual violence violence at equal or even higher rates compared to their heterosexual counterparts.

The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Projects (NCAVP) estimates that nearly 1 in 10 LGBTQ+ survivors of intimate partner violence have experienced sexual assault from those partners. Studies suggest that around half of transgender people and bisexual women will experience sexual violence at some point in their lifetimes.

Photo by Raphael Renter on Unsplash

As a community, LGBTQ+ people face higher rates of poverty, stigma, and marginalization, which means they are at greater risk for sexual assault. The LGBTQ+ community also faces higher rates of hate-motivated violence, which can often take the form of sexual assault and domestic battery.

Unfortunately, society both hypersexualizes LGBTQ+ people and stigmatizes their relationships which can lead to intimate partner violence that stems from internalized homophobia and shame.

The CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey found for LGBTQ+ people:

  • 44% of lesbians and 61% of bisexual women experience rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner.
  • 26% of gay men and 37% of bisexual men experience rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner.
  • 46% of bisexual women have been raped.
  • 22% of bisexual women have been raped by an intimate partner.
  • 40% of gay men and 47% of bisexual men have experienced sexual violence other than rape.
  • Only 26% of men in same-sex relationships called the police for assistance after experiencing near-lethal violence.
  • In 2012, fewer than 5% of LGBTQ survivors of intimate partner violence sought orders of protection.

Within the LGBTQ community, transgender people and bisexual women face the most alarming rates of sexual violence. Among these populations, sexual violence begins early, often during childhood.

The 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey found that 47% of transgender people are sexually assaulted at some point in their lifetime. Transgender victims are more likely to experience intimate partner violence in public, compared to those who do not identify as transgender.

Nearly half (48%) of bisexual women who are rape survivors experienced their first rape between ages 11 and 17.

The LGBTQ+ community has unique needs are when it comes to preventing sexual assault and supporting and caring for survivors of sexual violence and making sure we talk about these issues allows us to stop them from happening in the first place.

“Outing” or threatening to reveal one partner’s sexual orientation/gender identity may be used as a tool of abuse in violent relationships and may also be a barrier that reduces the likelihood of seeking help for the abuse. Prior experiences of physical, psychological, or emotional trauma (such as bullying or hate crimes), may make LGBTQ+ victims of domestic violence less likely to seek help.

Several barriers exist to addressing LGBTQ+ intimate partner violence and sexual assault. These include:

  • The societal stigma that domestic violence does not occur in LGBTQ+ relationships
  • Potential homophobia from staff of service providers, or from non-LGBTQ+ domestic/sexual violence victims they may work with.
  • Fear that airing the problems among the LGBTQ+ population will take away from progress toward equality or fuel anti-LGBTQ+ bias.
  • Domestic violence shelters are sometimes female only, and transgender individuals may not be allowed entrance due to their gender/genital/legal status.
  • The dangers associated with “being outed” and risking rejection from family, friends, and society.
  • Low levels of confidence in the effectiveness of the legal system for LGBTQ+ people.

At Options, we welcome everyone. If you or someone you love is an LGBTQ+ victim of abuse, call our 24-hour, toll free helpline at 800-784-4624.

Photo by Aiden Craver on Unsplash

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Publicized Trials and the Impact on Future Victims of Domestic and Sexual Violence

Publicized Trials and the Impact on Future Victims of Domestic and Sexual Violence

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Photo from NBC News Article. – Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. Pool via AP

OPINION

The following article focuses on discussing a case that is highly controversial right now. Open biases coupled with social media have corroded public opinion. However, regardless of your opinion, this case will have an impact on future victims of domestic and sexual violence coming forward. The point of this article isn’t to assign guilt to either of the parties – it’s to discuss the way the public is reacting to a sensationalized trial.

If you visit social media or consume any news, the Johnny Depp versus Amber Heard defamation case is all over. With that comes public opinion. As stated in the beginning of the article, open biases absolutely influence how we are perceiving this trial. Johnny Depp is an icon. His name is internationally recognizable, and he has a massive fan base. Amber Heard is someone who could be considered more of a “rising star” in comparison to the level of fame that Depp has achieved.

In the court of public opinion, all of this is supposedly about “protecting the innocent victim.” But, the decision of who is innocent or not is usually based on superficial reasons – like Depp being an extremely famous actor. No one wants to believe that the actor they love could be an abuser in the same way that it is sometimes hard to accept that a family member or friend could be one. But the truth is that anyone can be an abuser, just like how anyone can be abused.

A popular opinion that has formed from this trial is that “men are finally speaking up about their abuse.” Men already speak up about the abuse they face – which is good. They should. All victims should if they can. It just isn’t sensationalized to this degree because it happens at the hand of another man. Terry Crews was assaulted and when he came forward, he was mocked and his overall masculinity was challenged. Brendan Fraser was blacklisted from Hollywood after he came forward. Anthony Rapp is still fighting against Kevin Spacey.

To be clear, this is not to say that women cannot be abusers to men. They can. They absolutely can. However, when focusing on abuse of men, it is important to understand that we have a cultural bias surrounding male abuse to begin with. When you hear about a teacher having sex with her 13-year-old male student, are you criticizing that too? Or are you excited for the boy? When you hear of situations about gay men and abuse within their relationship, do you believe them? Do you recognize that black men are vulnerable to abuse, too? Please start to include these scenarios into your discussions of male abuse. These cases are important but oftentimes trivialized because of our expectations of masculinity.

This case has been used to vilify Amber Heard to a degree that is absolutely unmatched by domestic violence cases perpetrated by men. Some situations that come to mind include Chris Brown, Drake, James Franco, Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson, Tommy Lee, Ansel Elgort, and so, so, so many more. These men and their careers have flourished even with these accusations and charges. Regardless of the outcome of this trial, Amber Heard won’t have a career or life that does the same. She will not have the same life after this trial. She could be guilty of abuse, she could be lying, she could be innocent. It doesn’t really matter at this point what is found in court. This is because the public perception of her is that she is “another evil woman out to destroy a successful man’s life.”

This is a phrase we’ve heard before when powerful men are accused.

Now, Johnny Depp did allegedly lose movie deals and money from being accused of domestic violence. However, he has not ever been as villainized as Heard has been in the past few months. As of now, Depp is also in the process of signing movie contracts – so his acting career will absolutely continue. It will continue no matter what the verdict of the trial is because the court of public opinion has already decided that he should be absolved of any guilt. This is not to say that he is guilty, just that he will not face any more “backlash” from being accused.

Additionally, because this is a trial that is being aired all over social media, it opens the door for people to make a massive mockery of it. People are making videos making fun of Heard’s sexual assault statement. Videos of her recounting the abuse she may have faced are being picked apart and turned into internet memes.

At this point, it doesn’t necessarily matter if you believe her or not. What matters is if you’re engaging with the people making a mockery of her claims. Amber Heard will not personally see the things you are saying about her abuse claims. But your friend, neighbor, coworker, or family member will. And if they have a similar story, you are essentially proving to them that you will not believe them.

This case has a lot of nuances. Abuse is not always black and white. At the end of the day, though, this trial is going to impact the future of people coming forward with abuse claims. Particularly women. As a woman, it is already difficult to get people to believe you over the fear of “false claims.” But the truth is that false allegations of rape are extremely rare. False rape and abuse allegations occur less often than other false crime reports.

Men, if you are abused, please come forward and please speak up. It is so important that you do so to break the stigma surrounding men and sexual and domestic violence. You are not alone. But using cases of male sexual assault or abuse to discredit the experiences of women is counterproductive.

Believe survivors. Don’t make jokes out of abuse cases. Don’t treat domestic violence and sexual assault cases like sporting events by rooting for your “favorite” person to win. There is no “right way” to react to abuse, and unfortunately, you won’t know how you would react until you are put in that position.

This article reflects the opinions of Anniston Weber and not necessarily all of the Options’ staff.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Mental Health Awareness Month

Mental Health Awareness Month

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Each year, millions of Americans face the reality of living with a mental illness. May is Mental Health Awareness Month – a time used to raise awareness of the importance of mental health care and reduce the stigma associated with mental health disorders.

Survivors of domestic abuse are especially susceptible to mental health disorders. Years of prolonged abuse can leave victims feeling stressed, depressed, anxious, and paranoid.

Nearly one in four women has been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner, and one in nine men has experienced the same. 

Bumps, bruises, scratches, and scars are some of the short-term physical effects of domestic violence that are sometimes easy to see. Harder to recognize and treat are the long-term negative effects domestic violence brings to a survivor’s mental health.

The long-term mental health effects of domestic violence can include disorders such as:

  • Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This can result from experiencing a shocking, scary, dangerous, or traumatic event such as sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. Symptoms can include hostility, social and emotional isolation, flashbacks, anxiety, insomnia, and self-destructive behavior.

  • Depression. This is a serious illness marked by a persistent feeling of sadness or loss of interest that can lead to multiple behaviors and physical symptoms, including changes in sleep, appetite, energy level, concentration, and daily behavior, as well as thoughts of suicide.

  • Anxiety. This can be general anxiety about everything and everyday situations, or it can be a sudden attack of intense fear. It can grow worse over time and interfere with daily life. Paranoia can be a part of anxiety, too, and survivors of domestic abuse may be paranoid that their abuser is still “right around the corner,” ready to attack them again.

  • Eating disorders. A domestic violence survivor may engage in disordered eating behaviors as an attempt to establish some sense of control, particularly when one feels as though their surroundings are chaotic, or that they do not have control over their body. Eating disorders can also develop from constant attacks on a survivor’s self-esteem – as in, they no longer feel worthy of food or living a healthy lifestyle.

  • Addiction. The weight of repeated abuse is an extremely heavy burden. To ease the strain, many people turn to substances for relief. In some cases, people in abusive relationships are coerced into using drugs to make it easier for their abuser to manipulate them.

The percentage of women who consider their mental health to be poor is almost three times higher among women with a history of domestic violence than those in healthy relationships. As a result, intimate partner victimization is often correlated with an alarmingly high rate of depression and suicidal behavior.  

When considering domestic abuse, it is important to remember that not every sign is physical. Many victims must overcome the emotional and mental health effects of psychological aggression, neglect, and financial abuse.

Mental health impacts everything in our day-to-day lives. Someone suffering from a mental health disorder may find inability to work, go to school, care for their children, or care for themselves.

Options works to support victims of domestic and sexual violence by providing resources to local mental health professionals. Our team of advocates are kind, understanding, and empathetic towards individuals who have experienced mental health related problems from their abuse.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Sexual Assault Awareness Month Events

Sexual Assault Awareness Month Events

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Options has several community activities and exhibits coming up during April in recognition of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Below is a list of all of the public events that community members are encouraged to attend or visit.

What Were You Wearing

Date: April 1 – 8
Location: Fort Hays State University, Taylor Gallery in the Center for Applied Technology building
Time: 8 a.m. – 5 p.m.

Join Options and Jana’s Campaign in this exhibit that highlights real survivor stories. This art installation challenges the belief that what a person was wearing attributed to their sexual assault.  An advocate will be present during open hours.

Student Advisory Board Poster Making

Date: April 3
Location: Options Conference Room
Time: 6 p.m. – 9 p.m.

The Hays High Student Advisory Board is gathering to create posters about consent. These posters will be displayed at the Spring Art Walk. Art supplies will be provided.

Times Talk with SANE/SART Nurse Program

Date: April 6
Location: Fort Hays State University, Forsyth Library
Time: 12:30 p.m. – 1:30 p.m.

Times Talk is a series hosted by the American Democracy Project providing short presentations to the Fort Hays State University community relating to civic or political engagement, civil discourse, and social or political issues. For Sexual Assault Awareness Month, Times Talk is inviting the sexual assault nurse examination team to speak.

Love and Healthy Relationships Expo

Date: April 6
Location:  Fort Hays State University, Black and Gold Room in the Memorial Union
Time: 6 p.m. – 8 p.m.

The Center for Empowering Victims of Gender-based Violence is hosting an expo centered around healthy relationships. Options staff will be in attendance to take an in-depth look at victim blaming and how to advocate for your friends.

Tunnel of Oppression

Date: April 7
Location: Fort Hays State University, Ball Room and Black and Gold Room in the Memorial Union
Time: 10 a.m. – 1 p.m.

Student Engagement is hosting the Tunnel of Oppression to showcase the trials different individuals may face based on their gender, sexuality, race, etc. Options is partnering with Us 4 U to show the struggles individuals encounter when trying to leave their abuser.

Red Flag Garden

Date: April 11
Location: Fort Hays State University, Quad
Time: 5:30 p.m. – 7:30 p.m.

Us 4 U and Options are partnering to put on the Red Flag Garden to showcase problematic relationship behaviors. Each red flag we “plant” will have a different behavior that is a “warning sign” for abusive relationships. A FREE meal will be provided for the first 20 students that come to the event.

What Were You Wearing – Colby

Date: April 13
Location: Colby Community College, Fireside Lounge in the Student Union
Time: 9 a.m. – 4 p.m.

This art installation challenges the belief that what a person was wearing attributed to their sexual assault. The exhibit asks viewers to understand that sexual assault is NEVER about the clothing the survivor was wearing. The sexual assault violates the survivor’s mind, physical being, and emotions; it is not simply woven into the fabric of the survivor’s clothing. An advocate will be present during open hours.

Can We Just Talk? – Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Date: April 14
Location: Breathe Coffee House
Time: 7 p.m. – 9 p.m.

In order to promote powerful communication, Breathe Coffee House is hosting “Can We Just Talk.” For sexual assault awareness month, the Options Campus Advocate has been invited to speak about issues surrounding sexual assault and domestic violence in the community.

Strangulation Summit

Date: April 20
Location: Zoom (please email [email protected] to register)
Time: 9 a.m. – 4 p.m.

Speakers Kelsey McKay, Jessica Albers, and Colleen Brooks will be talking about the issues surrounding strangulation in domestic or sexual violence cases. The Summit will be presented virtually FREE of cost. A zoom invite will be sent with registration confirmation. Register by emailing [email protected]. Please include in the body of the email your name, position and organization.

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes

Date: April 22
Location: Fort Hays State University, Quad
Time: 4 p.m. – 6 p.m.

There is an old saying: “You can’t understand another person’s experience until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.” To get people listening, learning, and talking, Sigma Chi and Options are hosting Walk a Mile in Her Shoes. This event is a campus-wide march to bring awareness to sexualized violence.

Trinity Lutheran Benefit BBQ

Date: April 24
Location: Trinity Lutheran Church
Time: 12 p.m. – 2 p.m.

Trinity Lutheran Church is hosting a free-will donation BBQ. A variety of smoked meats, baked beans, coleslaw, and dessert will be available. All proceeds will be donated to Options.

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes – Colby

Date: April 29
Location: Colby Community College, Quad
Time: 10:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m.

Colby Community College and Options are hosting Walk a Mile in Her Shoes. This event is a campus-wide march to bring awareness to sexualized violence.

Shine Your Support – Colby

Date: April 29
Location: Colby Community College, Student Union
Time: 1:30 p.m. – 3:00 p.m.

Students at CCC and community members of Colby are encouraged to decorate their homes with purple light bulbs or other purple/teal decorations in support of Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Free purple lightbulbs will be provided to individuals wanting to participate.

Spring Art Walk

Date: April 30
Location: Downing Nelson Oil Company (111 W 10th St, Hays)
Time: 10 a.m. – 4 p.m.

Join Options at the Spring Art Walk to participate in an interactive art therapy exhibit. The exhibit will feature a wedding dress and tuxedo which participants are encouraged to paint on, write on, cut, or tear to express their feelings regarding their own relationship trauma. The Hays High School Student Advisory board will also be present for a bake sale where all proceeds will be donated to Options. Entries for the poster contest can also be viewed at the Spring Art Walk, and Options will announce the winner that afternoon.

Tardeada Community Fiesta

Date: May 7
Location: Downtown Pavilion (10th & Main in Hays)
Time: 4 p.m. – 10 p.m.

United Way of Ellis County invites the public to an evening filled with information and fun. Come learn about the different resources and services agencies provide while enjoying some local foods. Additionally, there will be piñatas, a dance and cultural booths. Options will have an information table up from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m.

Rock Against Rape

Date: May 7
Location: Sip N’ Spin (209 W 10th St, Hays)
Time: 8 p.m. – 1:30 a.m.

Take a stand against sexual assault and rape at this concert hosted by Options. There is no entry fee to attend. Featuring: Modern Mystics, Free Minded, Blast Monkeys, Graveside, Kuwabara, and Cactus Collateral.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Women's History Month - Leading the Next Generation

Women’s History Month – Leading the Next Generation

Posted on by Morgan Hart

For Women’s History Month, Options wants to highlight some of the outstanding women in our community who are dedicated to spreading awareness about domestic and sexual violence.

Sue Ann Tebo has been teaching at for 32 years. Her classes at Hays High School include Family Studies, Life Management, Culinary Arts, and Career Connections. She regularly invites outside organizations to speak to her classes about life skills and how to navigate in the “real world” – including Options.

“The students really gain valuable information that they can use for their entire life,” she said.  “I am all about life skills and how to utilize those skills.”

Tebo believes promoting healthy relationships within her classroom is imperative for her students.

“It is important. It is needed. I firmly believe in educational practices to help promote healthy relationship behaviors and respect among adolescents,” she said. “I truly believe that the exposure to these situations has made an enormous impact. I have had many students tell me how much this information and exposure has helped them in their own relationships.”

Helping others in potentially abusive relationships is another impact that Tebo says these discussions have had on her classes.

“They have also explained how they were able to help other people who are not in healthy relationships,” she said. “This is what it’s all about — using the skills that you are given to help yourself and others. The students are able to identify red flags and understand what needs to be done if a person is in an unhealthy relationship.  Exposure to this information is vital in helping students to know and understand what is healthy and what is not healthy.”

One of the most impactful facts that Tebo says she has learned through working with Options and other organizations is that domestic and sexual violence truly do not discriminate.

“This affects people of all ages—babies through elderly.  Many times, I don’t think others realize this at all.  This is very impactful,” she said. “Options has been an incredible resource for all of us.  My students share the information with their friends and family—it becomes widespread.  We want the world to know about healthy relationships!”

Tebo has been instrumental in helping to create the Options Student Advisory Board, a group of Hays High School students who regularly meet to discuss how to spread awareness of issues surrounding domestic and sexual violence to other high schoolers. The Student Advisory Board has created a Teen Safety Plan, participated in Chalk About Love, helped with the What Were You Wearing art installation, and is in the process of hosting a bake sale for the Spring Art Walk in Hays.

“I am so very proud of the group of students who are actively engaged on the Options Advisory Board,” she said. “They have come up with some incredible ideas and have shown strong passion for this. This is exactly what we need—teens to help spread the word and share ideas and be involved.”

Tebo says that she wants her students to always know that there are resources to help them if they are ever in a situation that is unsafe.

“I want students to know that there is always help available,” she said. “There is always a way out.  They deserve to be treated with respect. I want them to know how they can get the help they need whether it is the student or someone that they know who needs the help.”

Keep up with Options blog posts during March to see more stories of women leadership in the field of advocacy.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber