Posts by Morgan Hart

When the Game Gets Rough: The Link Between Football and Domestic Violence

When the Game Gets Rough: The Link Between Football and Domestic Violence

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Football season has officially begun, and with that comes all of the excitement, camaraderie, and competition. For many, it’s a time of gathering with friends and family to watch their favorite teams compete on TV – usually accompanied by food, drinks, and high emotions.

However, this period also sees a troubling rise in domestic violence cases, a pattern observed in various studies and reported by law enforcement agencies. This increase is complex and multifaceted, and understanding the underlying factors is crucial for addressing the issue.

Research consistently shows a troubling trend: domestic violence incidents spike during major sporting events, especially football games. One study published in the Quarterly Journal of Economics found that domestic violence rates increase by about 10% on days when NFL games are played, particularly when there are unexpected outcomes or high-stakes matchups. These spikes are not limited to the Super Bowl or championship games; they can occur during regular season games as well, especially when games involve local teams or intense rivalries. This community-wide increase of domestic violence is a strikingly large finding, and this pattern suggests a link between the emotional environment of football games and an increased risk of domestic violence.

It’s crucial to recognize that these statistics do not imply that football itself causes domestic violence. Instead, they indicate that certain aspects of the game day environment—such as heightened emotions, alcohol consumption, and cultural factors—can exacerbate abusive behaviors in individuals who already have a propensity for violence. This also isn’t a scenario that is unique to United States football culture – other countries see this uptick in DV cases with their popular sports as well.

Photo by Dave Adamson on Unsplash

As potential explanations for the sports-related increases in domestic violence, researchers often point to the increased familial interaction, alcohol consumption, expectations, and stress levels that accompany high-stakes sports games— all of which are associated with domestic violence.

Alcohol has an undeniable presence within our sporting culture. Many fans indulge in drinking during tailgates, at bars, and at watch parties. Game day rituals often include beer, cocktails, and other alcoholic beverages, sometimes consumed in large quantities. While alcohol itself does not cause domestic violence, it can significantly increase the risk by lowering inhibitions and impairing judgment.

It’s also worth noting that many people drink alcohol during games without becoming violent. The key difference lies in the individual’s underlying behavior patterns and their attitudes toward power and control in relationships. For some, alcohol becomes a tool that exacerbates their abusive tendencies, but it is never the root cause of the violence itself.

Photo by Aaron James on Unsplash

Alcohol can intensify emotions and reduce an individual’s ability to think rationally, making it easier for someone prone to anger and violence to act on those impulses. It can also serve as a convenient excuse for abusive behavior, with the abuser blaming their actions on being “drunk” rather than taking responsibility for their choices. This is a dangerous and false narrative, as the root cause of domestic violence lies in the abuser’s desire for power and control over their partner, not in the substances they consume.

Football is also something many would consider to be a highly emotional sport. The excitement, tension, and drama of a close game can lead to extreme emotional highs and lows for fans. When their team wins, the celebration can be euphoric, but when they lose, especially in a close or critical game, the disappointment can be profound. For some individuals, the emotional intensity of these games can lead to increased stress, frustration, and even anger, especially if they are deeply invested in the outcome.

In households where there is already a history of controlling or abusive behavior, these heightened emotions can act as a trigger for domestic violence. An abuser may channel their frustration from the game into violence against their partner, using the loss or perceived injustice in the game as an excuse for their behavior. This misdirected anger can result in emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, further entrenching the cycle of violence.

Additionally, football can serve as an emotional outlet for fans dealing with other stressors in their lives. When their team loses, it can feel like a personal failure or a loss of control, intensifying feelings of inadequacy or anger. In such cases, the abuser may lash out at their partner as a way to reassert control in their personal life, perpetuating the cycle of abuse.

Football, like many contact sports, is also often associated with traditional notions of masculinity—aggression, dominance, and a “win-at-all-costs” mentality. This cultural backdrop can influence attitudes and behaviors both on and off the field. For some, these cultural norms may validate or reinforce harmful attitudes toward power and control in relationships.

The glorification of aggressive behavior in sports can sometimes spill over into other aspects of life. When aggression is celebrated as a virtue in the context of the game, individuals who already have abusive tendencies may feel justified in using similar behavior to exert control in their relationships. This is especially true in environments where there is a lack of accountability for aggressive or violent behavior, and where expressing emotions like anger is seen as a sign of strength rather than a red flag.

Toxic masculinity, which promotes the idea that men should be dominant, unemotional, and aggressive, can also contribute to the rise in domestic violence during football season. In this cultural framework, men may feel pressure to assert their dominance, particularly when they feel their masculinity is threatened by a loss or perceived failure. This can manifest in controlling or abusive behavior toward their partner, as a misguided way to reclaim their sense of power.

Understanding the complex factors that contribute to the rise in domestic violence during football season is essential for addressing the issue. This knowledge can help guide intervention. So, how do we combat this issue?

  • Awareness and Education: Raising awareness about the link between football season and domestic violence is a critical step in addressing the issue. Public awareness campaigns can educate fans, communities, and sports organizations about the warning signs of abuse and the importance of seeking help. Education should also focus on challenging harmful cultural norms that glorify aggression and dominance, promoting healthy relationships and emotional regulation instead.
  • Support Systems: Providing support and resources for those affected by domestic violence is crucial, especially during high-risk periods like football season. Hotlines, shelters, and counseling services should be readily accessible to victims, and community organizations can play a role in offering safe spaces and support networks. Sports leagues and teams can also get involved by supporting anti-violence initiatives and promoting messages of respect and non-violence.
Photo by Luke Jones on Unsplash
  • Challenging Excuses: It’s essential to challenge the narrative that alcohol or heightened emotions excuse abusive behavior. Public messaging and interventions should make it clear that the responsibility for abuse lies solely with the abuser. This approach shifts the focus from external factors to the individual’s choices and actions, promoting accountability and the importance of addressing underlying abusive tendencies.
  • Know who to call: If you or someone you know is ever in a situation where there may be intimate partner violence surrounding a sporting game, please do not hesitate to reach out to your local law enforcement or Options Domestic and Sexual Violence Services.

Football season should be a time of celebration and community, not one of fear and violence. The rise in domestic violence cases during this period is a stark reminder of the deeper issues that need to be addressed. By acknowledging the problem, challenging harmful behaviors, and providing support to those affected, we can work toward ensuring that the passion for the game does not spill over into harm off the field. Addressing this issue requires a collective effort, involving individuals, communities, and sports organizations, to create an environment where the thrill of the game is enjoyed safely and responsibly.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

This project was supported by subgrant number 24-VAWA-07 awarded by the Kansas Governor’s Grants Program for the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice’s STOP Formula Grant Program. The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this publication/program/exhibition are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Office of the Kansas Governor or the U.S. Department of Justice.

A Partnership for Change: Options Domestic & Sexual Violence Services Teams Up with Jana's Campaign to Combat Sexual Violence in Kansas

A Partnership for Change: Options Domestic & Sexual Violence Services Teams Up with Jana’s Campaign to Combat Sexual Violence in Kansas

Posted on by Morgan Hart

In a significant and inspiring collaboration, Options Domestic & Sexual Violence Services and Jana’s Campaign have joined forces to address and prevent sexual violence in Northwest Kansas. Supported by the Sexual Violence Prevention and Education grant from the Kansas Department of Health and Environment, this partnership aims to implement comprehensive education and prevention strategies across Thomas, Ellis, and Russell counties. This initiative marks a major step forward in creating safer, more supportive communities.

At the heart of this initiative is a thorough community needs assessment survey led by Jana’s Campaign, a national education organization dedicated to preventing gender and relationship violence. This critical survey, spearheaded by Education and Prevention Specialist Larissa Whitney, Whitney Gerstner, Operations Manager, and Jennifer Schmidtberger, Program Coordinator & Data Specialist, with Executive Director Kaiti Blackburn, will gather essential data from residents in Thomas, Ellis, and Russell counties. The insights gained from the responses will provide a clear picture of the current landscape of sexual violence in these communities and guide the development of prevention strategies tailored for the specific local needs of each community.

Ellis County benefits from an established Sexual Assault Response Team (SART), and this existing team will play a crucial role in helping to implement changes and improvements identified under the new grant. The Ellis County SART has been instrumental in providing immediate and compassionate support to survivors. We are excited to extend this model to Russell and Thomas counties, ensuring that more individuals have access to these critical resources and create a seamless network of support for survivors across the region.

Options is focusing on enhancing support systems in Russell and Thomas counties. Anniston Weber, Campus Advocate for Options, is developing partnerships and establishing SARTs in the largest cities, Colby and Russell. These teams will help develop coordinated community responses to sexual assaults, providing survivors with the resources and support they need and working to hold offenders accountable.

In addition to the survey and developing new SARTs, the implementation of this grant focuses on education and training. Options will expand its Safe Bar Alliance training, a program designed to educate bar staff and patrons on recognizing and preventing sexual violence in nightlife settings. This innovative program aims to create a safer environment by empowering bartenders and other staff to intervene in potentially dangerous situations and support patrons in need. Simultaneously, Jana’s Campaign will further implement workplace trainings to cultivate safer and more respectful work environments. This program is designed to equip employees and employers with the knowledge, policies and procedures needed to better prevent sexual violence and create a culture of respect and safety in the workplace.

Photo by Fuu J on Unsplash

The ultimate goal of this partnership is to reduce sexual violence in Thomas, Ellis, and Russell counties by implementing effective education and prevention strategies.

Through community engagement, support system enhancement, and targeted education efforts, Options and Jana’s Campaign are working towards a future where every individual can live free from the threat of sexual violence. Truly, preventing sexual violence requires a community-wide effort, and this partnership is about more than just addressing the symptoms of sexual violence. By combining their strengths and resources, these organizations are setting a powerful example of how collaboration and community-driven initiatives can drive meaningful change. Options and Jana’s Campaign are poised to make a significant impact toward creating a culture of respect and safety that benefits everyone.

How You Can Get Involved

Whether you are a resident, business owner, or local leader, you can support this initiative. You can participate in the upcoming community needs assessment surveys, enroll your staff and attend Safe Bar trainings or workplace training sessions, and you can spread the word about the importance of sexual violence prevention.

We also need individuals and organizational representatives who can support the development of the SARTs in Thomas and Russell counties. If you are interested in being involved, please reach out to Anniston Weber at [email protected] or call 785-625-4202.

Stay tuned for more updates on this important work and find out more about how you can get involved in making our communities safer for all. Together, we can create a future where everyone can live free from the threat of sexual violence.

If you need any additional information or have a question or a concern, Options is available 24 hours every day on our toll-free helpline (800-794-4624). You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber.

This post was supported by the Cooperative NUF2CE002584, from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) or Department of Health and Human Services and the Kansas Department of Health and Environment (KDHE). Its contents are solely the responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily represent the official views of the CDC or KDHE.

How a Supreme Court Ruling May Impact Homeless DV Survivors

How a Supreme Court Ruling May Impact Homeless DV Survivors

Posted on by Morgan Hart

A recent Supreme Court ruling has granted cities the authority to ban people from sleeping or camping in public spaces. The justices, in a 6-3 decision, overturned lower court rulings that deemed it cruel and unusual under the Eighth Amendment to punish people for sleeping outside if they had nowhere else to go. Naturally, this ruling will have profound implications for individuals struggling with being houseless.

Among the most vulnerable are survivors of domestic violence, who often find themselves without stable housing due to the abuse they have endured. The intersectionality of homelessness and domestic violence is a critical issue that demands urgent attention yet is often overlooked.

Domestic violence survivors frequently face an array of challenges that can lead to becoming houseless. Economic abuse is the most prevalent factor, as abusers often exert control over their victims’ finances, leaving them without savings or financial independence. Oftentimes, women in abusive relationships will not have held a job for years as they were expected to uphold traditional marriage roles (homemaking, child-rearing, etc.) within their relationship – leaving them with no income to fall back on. When a survivor decides to leave, they may have little to no resources to secure stable housing. Some survivors, especially in more rural areas, are also left without transportation, so staying with a friend/family member becomes impossible if they don’t live in the same area.

Stock Image from Canva
Photo by Dev Asangbam on Unsplash

Isolation is another common tactic used by abusers, who often cut their victims off from family, friends, and other support networks. This isolation leaves survivors without a safety net, increasing their risk of becoming homeless. Compounding these issues is the scarcity of affordable housing in many areas. Without a stable income or rental history, survivors face significant hurdles in securing long-term housing. While emergency shelters provide temporary respite, they are often overcrowded and unable to offer lasting solutions. Shelters also typically come with barriers such as drug tests and mandatory employment – meaning that survivors who have developed drug dependencies due to their abuse or have become disabled because of their abuse would be denied shelter.

Physical and emotional trauma also play critical roles in why domestic violence victims become homeless. Survivors often suffer from injuries and psychological scars that can impede their ability to work and maintain stable housing in general. The trauma may also lead to mental health issues, further complicating their path to stability.

Once a domestic violence survivor becomes homeless, escaping this situation can be extremely challenging. Stigma and discrimination are pervasive, affecting their ability to find employment, secure housing, and access essential services. This societal bias adds another layer of difficulty to an already challenging situation.

Resources for homeless individuals are often limited, and those that do exist may not be equipped to address the unique needs of domestic violence survivors. Shelters may lack

necessary safety measures, and support services may not be tailored to address the trauma of abuse. Legal barriers also complicate matters, with custody battles or restraining orders often hindering efforts to find stable housing. Legal aid is scarce, particularly for those without financial resources, further entrenching the cycle of homelessness.

The physical and mental health issues stemming from domestic violence also hinder a survivor’s ability to work and maintain stability. Access to healthcare and mental health services is often limited for homeless individuals, making these challenges even more complicated. After all, most billings for these services are tied to an address.

The Supreme Court ruling allowing cities to ban sleeping or camping in public areas exacerbates the challenges faced by homeless individuals, including domestic violence survivors. These bans can leave homeless individuals with even fewer options for safe places to sleep, increasing their vulnerability to further abuse or exploitation.

Moreover, such policies effectively criminalize being houseless – leading to fines, arrests, and criminal records that make it even harder for individuals to secure housing and employment. For domestic violence survivors, this adds another layer of complexity to an already difficult situation. The displacement resulting from these policies pushes homeless individuals into more remote or less visible areas, where they are less likely to receive assistance. This further limits access to the support services they desperately need.

The intersectionality of homelessness and domestic violence is further complicated in rural areas. Limited resources in these regions mean fewer shelters, support services, and affordable housing options, making it difficult for survivors to find the help they need. Geographic isolation compounds the problem, with limited transportation options hindering access to essential services.

Community dynamics in rural areas also present unique challenges. In small communities, everyone often knows everyone else, making it harder for survivors to seek help without fear of exposure or retaliation. This can deter individuals from leaving abusive situations in the first place.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

All of this is to say that survivors face unique and compounded challenges that make escaping homelessness extremely difficult. Homelessness caused by domestic violence (and homelessness in general) is a critical issue that requires a comprehensive and compassionate response. The recent Supreme Court ruling allowing cities to ban camping in public areas only makes these challenges more complex, leaving survivors more vulnerable and with fewer options.

To address this issue, we must advocate for policies that provide adequate resources, support services, and affordable housing options. This is especially crucial in rural areas, where resources are often scarce. By understanding and addressing the unique needs of domestic violence survivors within the homeless population, we can work towards creating a safer and more supportive environment for all.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

This project was supported by subgrant number 24-VAWA-07 awarded by the Kansas Governor’s Grants Program for the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice’s STOP Formula Grant Program. The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this publication/program/exhibition are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Office of the Kansas Governor or the U.S. Department of Justice.

Beyond Bruises: Elder Abuse in Nursing Homes

Beyond Bruises: Elder Abuse in Nursing Homes

Posted on by Morgan Hart

June is Elder Abuse Awareness Month. This time of year is crucial to bringing attention to the plight of our senior population, who too often suffer in silence. Elder abuse is a significant issue, particularly in nursing homes where vulnerable residents may face various forms of mistreatment. Research suggests that about 10 percent of all nursing home residents experience abuse or neglect.

Elder abuse in nursing homes can manifest in several forms, including physical, emotional, financial, sexual, and general neglect. The perpetrators can be nursing home staff, other residents, or even family members. Recognizing the different types of abuse is the first step in addressing and preventing it.

Physical Abuse
Physical abuse involves causing physical harm to an elder. This can include hitting, slapping, pushing, or improper use of restraints. For instance, an elder might have unexplained bruises, broken bones, or marks that suggest they have been restrained inappropriately.

According to a 2021 National Institutes of Health (NIH) study, 29% of complaints about elder abuse in nursing homes involved physical abuse. This abuse could be inflicted by staff members, such as nurses or caregivers, or by visiting family members.

Example: Mrs. Johnson, an 82-year-old nursing home resident, was found with bruises on her arms and a broken wrist. Upon investigation, it was revealed that a staff member had roughly grabbed her and pushed her down during an argument.

Image by rawpixel.com on Freepik
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse, often involving verbal assaults, threats, harassment, or isolation. This type of abuse can severely impact an elder’s mental health, leading to depression, anxiety, or withdrawal from social interactions.

Some common forms of emotional abuse may include:

  • Intimidating and threatening a patient
  • Ridiculing and insulting a patient
  • Making a patient feel guilty or distressed
  • Yelling or shouting at a patient
  • Ignoring a patient or giving them the silent treatment
  • Isolating them from friends or family
  • Preventing them from participating in social activities
  • Terrorizing or menacing the patient
  • Threatening to withhold food and water

A survey conducted by the National Center on Elder Abuse found that 33.4% of nursing home residents experienced emotional abuse within the past year. Those with disabilities or other frailties may be more likely to experience mistreatment.

Example: Mr. Smith, a 79-year-old resident, was constantly berated and humiliated by a caregiver who would call him names and threaten to withhold food. As a result, Mr. Smith became withdrawn and fearful, avoiding contact with other residents and staff.

Financial Abuse
Financial abuse involves the illegal or improper use of an elder’s funds, property, or assets. This can include theft, forgery, or coercion to sign financial documents.

Example: Ms. Green, a 75-year-old resident, had her bank account drained by a family member who had gained her trust and then manipulated her into giving them access to her financial information.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash
Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

Sexual Abuse
Sexual abuse involves any non-consensual sexual contact or behavior with an elder. This can include unwanted touching, rape, or any other sexual acts to which the elder does not consent or is incapable of consenting due to cognitive impairments.

Sexual abuse in nursing homes is often underreported compared to other types of nursing home abuse. According to the World Health Organization (WHO): 0.7% of nursing home staff members reported sexually abusing residents. 1.9% of nursing home residents (or their guardians/loved ones) reported sexual abuse.

Example: Mrs. White, an 84-year-old with dementia, was found to have unexplained bruises on her thighs and reported feeling afraid of a particular male staff member. Upon investigation, it was discovered that the staff member had been sexually assaulting her.

Neglect
Neglect is the failure to provide necessary care, resulting in harm or distress to the elder. This can include failing to provide adequate food, medical care, or assistance with hygiene.

Example: Mr. Brown, an 80-year-old resident, was left in soiled bedding for extended periods and was not given his prescribed medications on time, leading to severe bedsores and a decline in his health.

Photo by Alex Boyd on Unsplash

Warning Signs of Elder Abuse
Identifying the warning signs of elder abuse is critical for timely intervention. Some common signs include:

  • Physical signs: Unexplained bruises, cuts, burns, or fractures.
  • Behavioral changes: Sudden changes in mood or behavior, such as withdrawal, fearfulness, or depression.
  • Financial irregularities: Unexplained withdrawals from bank accounts, missing valuables, or sudden changes in financial documents.
  • Neglect indicators: Poor hygiene, malnutrition, dehydration, or untreated medical conditions.
  • Emotional indicators: Anxiety, confusion, or sudden changes in sleeping patterns.
Photo by Andres Molina on Unsplash

Preventing Elder Abuse in Nursing Homes
Preventing elder abuse requires a multifaceted approach involving families, nursing home staff, and the community. Here are some strategies that can help:

Family Involvement
Families play a crucial role in protecting their loved ones. Regular visits, unannounced check-ins, and building relationships with nursing home staff can help ensure that elders are treated well. Being actively involved in their care plan and monitoring their finances can also prevent financial abuse.

Staff Training and Support
Nursing homes should invest in comprehensive staff training programs that cover the recognition and prevention of elder abuse. Providing support for caregivers, such as counseling and stress management programs, can reduce the risk of burnout, which can lead to abuse.

Reporting Mechanisms
Establishing clear and accessible reporting mechanisms for residents, families, and staff to report suspected abuse is essential. Nursing homes should have policies in place to investigate and address allegations promptly and transparently. If you need help, or if you have questions about elder abuse, you can contact Options and an advocate will guide you through the reporting process.

Elder Abuse Awareness Month serves as a vital reminder of the need to protect our elderly population from abuse, particularly in nursing homes. By understanding the types of abuse, recognizing the warning signs, and implementing preventive measures, we can help ensure that our elders live their golden years in safety and dignity. Let us all take responsibility and act to stop elder abuse in its tracks, ensuring a brighter, safer future for our senior citizens.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

This project was supported by subgrant number 24-VAWA-07 awarded by the Kansas Governor’s Grants Program for the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice’s STOP Formula Grant Program. The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this publication/program/exhibition are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Office of the Kansas Governor or the U.S. Department of Justice.

The Dress That Broke the Internet: Strangulation Case a Decade Later

The Dress That Broke the Internet: Strangulation Case a Decade Later

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Have you seen this dress? Nine years ago, the internet was ablaze with a debate over its color.

Was it black and blue or white and gold? This question captivated millions, leading to countless arguments, memes, and even scientific discussions. The dress, worn by a guest at a wedding, became an overnight sensation and an enduring cultural reference point. To this day, nearly 10 years later, that dress will still pop up in online discussions.

In February 2015, a photo of the dress was posted online by Caitlin McNeill, a friend of the bride and groom. The image quickly went viral as people disagreed vehemently over the dress’s colors. It wasn’t just a simple optical illusion; it became a topic of scientific inquiry as experts weighed in on how human vision and brain processing could interpret the same image so differently. This phenomenon was due to how our brains perceive color in varying light conditions, highlighting individual differences in perception and cognition.

Fast forward to today, and the story of “the dress” has taken a dark and tragic turn. Keir Johnston, the groom at the wedding where the dress gained its fame, has recently been sentenced to jail after admitting to strangling his wife. This development has shocked many who remember the lighthearted internet sensation and brings to the forefront the serious issue of domestic violence, particularly strangulation.

Court documents reveal that Keir was indicted after pinning his wife to the ground and sitting astride her during an assault in March of 2022. Documents stated that he repeatedly placed his hands around his wife, Grace’s, neck – restricting her breathing. He also verbally threatened to kill her.

Strangulation is not just a method of physical assault; it is a severe form of domestic violence with potentially deadly consequences. It is a significant predictor of future lethal violence, with victims who have been strangled being ten times more likely to be killed by their partner later. This form of violence is particularly dangerous because it can cause serious injury or death within minutes, even if there are no visible external injuries. It is also considered to be one of the most personal ways to attack a victim, since it requires close, prolonged physical contact.

If your partner has ever put their hands around your neck, put you in a “sleeper hold,” or wrapped anything like a scarf, necklace, belt, or rope around your neck, you have experienced strangulation.

Strangulation can lead to a range of physical and neurological damage, including:

  • Brain Damage: Lack of oxygen to the brain can cause long-term neurological issues, including memory loss, cognitive dysfunction, and emotional instability.
  • Vascular Damage: Strangulation can cause blood vessels to burst, leading to strokes or other cardiovascular issues.
  • Breathing Problems: Even if the victim survives, they may suffer from ongoing respiratory issues due to damage to the trachea and lungs.

Beyond the physical dangers, strangulation carries significant psychological trauma. Victims often experience severe anxiety, PTSD, depression, and a heightened sense of fear and vulnerability. The threat of strangulation is a form of control and intimidation that can leave lasting emotional scars – even if there are no physical indicators of violence.

Even though it is possible to die from strangulation without showing symptoms, physical symptoms can occur, and it’s important to recognize them. They can include:

  • a sore throat
  • difficulty swallowing
  • neck pain
  • hoarseness
  • bruising on the neck or behind your ears
  • discoloration on your tongue
  • ringing in your ears
  • bloodshot eyes
  • dizziness
  • memory loss
  • drooling
  • nausea or vomiting
  • difficulty breathing
  • incontinence
  • a seizure
  • changes in mood or personality, like agitation or aggression
  • changes in sleep patterns
  • changes in vision, such as blurriness or seeing double
  • fainted or lost consciousness
Photo by Sven Brandsma on Unsplash

Since strangulation is so dangerous, it’s important to have a safe way to document the abuse. It is strongly recommended you consider seeing a doctor if your partner has strangled you. Also, know that you always have the right to file a police report, press charges for an assault, or seek a restraining order against someone who is choosing to be abusive towards you.

The recent news about Keir Johnston is a grim reminder of the realities that can exist behind the scenes of public personas and viral fame. Johnston’s admission of strangling his wife is a stark departure from the viral fame he once enjoyed.

This case underscores the importance of addressing domestic violence in all its forms. It is crucial for communities to recognize the signs of abuse and provide support for victims. Strangulation should be taken seriously by law enforcement, medical professionals, and society at large due to its lethal nature.

The story of “the dress” and what followed is a poignant reminder of how viral fame can mask the realities of personal lives. While the internet was caught up in the debate over color perception, a much darker life was unfolding behind the scenes.

As we continue to reflect on the viral sensation that was “the dress,” let us also remember the importance of supporting victims of domestic violence and taking steps to prevent such tragedies from occurring.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

This project was supported by subgrant number 24-VAWA-07 awarded by the Kansas Governor’s Grants Program for the Office on Violence Against Women, U.S. Department of Justice’s STOP Formula Grant Program. The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this publication/program/exhibition are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Office of the Kansas Governor or the U.S. Department of Justice.

Are we ready to believe Amber Heard?

Are we ready to believe Amber Heard?

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Two years ago, I wrote a blog post about the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp defamation case. Over the course of two years, my thoughts and opinions have changed – slightly – and probably not in the way most people who follow mainstream media would expect. I’ve become more educated and experienced with my role as an advocate and with an abuser tactic called DARVO (I’ll dive into what that is here in a little bit).

I focused that initial blog post on the reaction the public was giving to the case, noting that this trial will impact future victims coming forward. No surprises here: it did just that.

I also danced around a lot of topics, not wanting to upset anyone who read the initial blog post. I will never, ever insinuate that men cannot be abused – but I was woefully worried that my original post would be taken that way if I firmly defended Heard. Public perception over this case was crazy at the time. I no longer have the fear that I will offend someone – because I have statistics, resources, and real-world experience to back my opinions up. And, I absolutely believe that survivors of abuse should be loudly defended.

*Please note that through the duration of this blog I will be referring to violence against women by their male partners – even though men and LGBTQ+ individuals can and do experience abuse.

Since the conclusion of this trial, if a woman comes forward with a sexual assault accusation but isn’t “squeaky clean” within her personal life (or if the man she is accusing is more “popular” than her) then she is immediately compared to Amber Heard.  We have conjured and cemented (as a society) the idea of a “perfect victim” through this trial. It has always been this way – but the Depp v. Heard trial amplified these misogynistic beliefs to become even more forefront within our justice system and public opinion.

Society has decided that the perfect victim is an innocent. She doesn’t drink or do drugs. As a result, she has a clear memory of her assault. She has evidence—but not too much evidence because that would mean that she’s vindictive and planned to speak out. In fact, when she comes forward, she does so reluctantly – timidly. She is not full of rage, she is poised.

Photo by Natasha Hall on Unsplash

She cuts off contact with her abuser as soon as the abuse takes place. She does no wrong—at the office, in relationships, as a mother or daughter. She’s never lied about anything, ever, in her entire life. She dresses “appropriately.” She has never yelled or said hurtful things to her abuser. She has never fought back.

She does not exist.

In that first blog, I said that “abuse is not always black and white.” And that is still true. It’s not. What is, though, is what abuse really is about: power and control. Abuse always has something to do with power and control.

Initially, when allegations of abuse surfaced against Johnny Depp, there was a notable portion of the public that rallied behind him. Depp, a beloved and iconic figure in the entertainment industry, enjoyed widespread support, with many questioning the credibility of Amber Heard’s claims – even though a prior trial in the UK ruled that Heard’s claims were “substantially true.”

Photo by Vitaly Sacred on Unsplash

This reaction can be attributed to various factors, including Depp’s status as a popular celebrity and the tendency to prioritize his reputation over Heard’s allegations.

Society’s reflexive defense of Depp highlights a common phenomenon where individuals accused of abuse, especially when they hold positions of power or fame, are given the benefit of the doubt. This knee-jerk reaction reflects deeply ingrained biases and societal norms that often discredit or minimize the experiences of victims, particularly women, in cases of intimate partner violence.

As the case unfolded and more evidence came to light, the narrative began to shift ever so slightly. Details of Depp and Heard’s tumultuous relationship emerged, painting a more complex picture of the dynamics at play. Reports of “mutual abuse” and volatile behavior from both parties began to challenge the initial United States perception of Depp as the victim and Heard as the perpetrator trying to get back at a powerful man.

Admittedly, this idea of mutual abuse was one that I, myself, believed in for quite some time. But the truth of the matter is that “mutual abuse” is extremely rare (if it even exists at all) – remember, abuse is about power and control. There is always a dominant aggressor – even if the victim responds in a toxic, volatile way.  Someone always has more control.  

Because of the way that abuse fundamentally works, in order to believe what Depp counterclaimed against Heard you’d have to believe that she, at the age of 23, set her sights on one of the most powerful, wealthy, visible and loved men in the world and saw an easy mark. She saw a man 25 years her senior who has a team of around-the-clock carers, staff and security personnel and thought, “Yes, this person will be easy for me to control, harm, and manipulate”.  You’d have to believe that somehow, the fundamental dynamics of abusive relationships switched and went completely backwards, just this one time. You’d also have to believe that Heard invented false sexual assault stories about Depp as part of this evil plan of hers — but never told anyone about them except her therapist, privately, in therapy, at the time they happened. She never made a public accusation of rape or sexual assault at any point. She only testified about it (under the strict condition of confidentiality) in the UK because she was a witness when Depp sued The Sun, and then she only ever mentioned it again when he forced her to, publicly, on camera, in front of the world during the trial in Virginia.

An abuser’s authority and control are paramount, and they feel entitled to it, and their choice of victim is deliberate. This is why the vast majority of abusers tend to choose younger, less financially secure, less socially powerful victims. Often these are victims with low self-esteem, who they know don’t know how to advocate for themselves.

Here is where my understanding of DARVO comes in. DARVO stands for “Deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender.” DARVO is an abuse tactic that a person may use to deflect responsibility onto an individual they have abused. It is a form of manipulation a person may use to discredit a survivor’s experience.

Someone may use DARVO to make it seem as though the survivor of their abuse was actually the perpetrator. Oftentimes, a person using DARVO may state that they are the one who has experienced abuse rather than the actual survivor. They will deny any true wrongdoing. This form of manipulation may make it difficult for other people to determine who is telling the truth.

The “deny” portion of DARVO is, I believe, the easiest to grasp. Denying the abuse happened. Gaslighting the world and the victim into believing that they are crazy or blowing things out of proportion. “Attacking” gets a little more complicated. This looks like an abuser vilifying their victim by saying their victim is untrustworthy because of mental illness, prior relationships, substance abuse problems, or prior instances of consent (when it comes to sex within the relationship). “Reversing victim and offender” is the last portion of DARVO. This is where the perpetrator of violence attempts to make everyone believe that the victim is the abuser. The abuser does their best to make it seem like the victim was “out to get them” or gaining something by coming forward with abuse allegations.

That’s the “funny” thing about this case – Amber Heard never named Johnny Depp in her article that started this all. Amber Heard did not initiate this trial. She had nothing to gain and everything to lose by coming forward. She didn’t even have a prenup with Depp. In a straightforward divorce settlement (under California law) she would’ve been better off. But she walked away from this because she needed a restraining order against Depp.

Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash

Experts on domestic violence, intimate partner violence, sexual assault, and women’s rights agree that Depp used DARVO to shift public perception and paint Heard as a villain. Depp’s team knew that having the trial televised and recorded would give way to an onslaught of “clippable,” “memeable” moments that would undoubtedly favor everyone’s favorite Disney pirate.

Our society’s tendency to not believe survivors of abuse, misogyny, and Depp’s use of DARVO undoubtedly played a significant role in shaping public opinion and media portrayals throughout the trial. Heard faced intense scrutiny and character assassination, with her credibility called into question based on her personal history and perceived behavior. The concept of the “perfect victim” emerged, reinforcing unrealistic expectations that survivors of abuse must adhere to a narrow set of criteria to be deemed credible.

The backlash against Amber Heard during and after the trial was particularly intense and often manifested in various forms of hate, harassment, and vilification. Heard became a lightning rod for criticism and vitriol from both the public and certain factions of the entertainment industry.

Photo by Mike van den Bos on Unsplash

One of the most prevalent forms of hate directed towards Heard was online harassment, with social media platforms serving as breeding grounds for misogynistic attacks and character assassination. Heard was subjected to relentless trolling, with individuals hurling insults, threats, and derogatory comments her way. This digital onslaught not only targeted Heard personally but also sought to undermine her credibility and invalidate her experiences as a survivor of abuse.

Heard endured disparagement from some quarters of the entertainment industry, with certain individuals and media outlets perpetuating negative narratives about her character and integrity. Tabloid headlines sensationalized and distorted the details of the case, painting Heard as a manipulative and opportunistic figure seeking to destroy Depp’s career and reputation. Her allegations of abuse were completely disregarded in an attempt to make a quick joke at her expense. Conspiracy theories, misinformation, and a pervasive culture of victim-blaming collided in to exacerbating the abuse that Heard experienced.

It is easy (and desirable) to simplify narratives into heroes and villains. Depp is a renowned, beloved figure. To lots of individuals, reconciling the fact that their favorite actor is an abuser could be too much. No one wants to believe that someone they revere could truly be awful. Society damn near infantilized Johnny Depp when this trial was taking place. The world (mostly the United States) painted him as an innocent, funny drunk that maybe got a little out of control a few times.

But who doesn’t get a little wild occasionally, right?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never gotten so “wild” that I text my friend that I want to “burn and rape” my partners corpse – in any context, for any reason.

Truthfully, abusers will use the courts to further torture their victims. This happens all the time, and they do it to force contact or interaction or reestablish a sense of control after a relationship ends. They do it to exert what power they still have left over their victim, to ruin them financially, and to traumatize and punish them for as long as they can for having the “gall” to leave. Depp took it up a notch, though. He has used all of the social and celebrity fame, and all the money and power at his disposal, to absolutely destroy, humiliate, and exile that woman on a scale that not seen before. “Global humiliation”, just like he promised her in this horrifically malicious email.

Again, Heard had nothing to gain from talking about her abuse. Most victims rarely have anything to gain other than their own peace of mind or safety.

This isn’t just about Johnny Depp. It isn’t just about Amber Heard. This case is about misogyny and victim-blaming, and how quickly we will believe even the most ludicrous stories once they’re uttered from a powerful man’s mouth, and how much we still so dearly love to have a witch to burn.

It was so easy for the public to listen to an audio tape leaked by the team of her accused abuser and accept it at face value. To keep believing it, even after it’s proven to have been manipulated. To actually know something is a lie, and to choose to believe the lie anyway once it protects a popular man and demonizes the woman jeopardizing his status or movie deals.

The hate directed towards Amber Heard to this very day serves as a sobering reminder of the consequences of speaking out against powerful individuals and systems of oppression. Survivors of abuse often face significant barriers to seeking justice and accessing support, as they navigate a landscape fraught with disbelief, victim-blaming, and retribution.

Refusing to believe survivors when they come forward carries grave repercussions. Statistics show that false rape reports are exceedingly rare, with reports of domestic abuse not far behind. It’s also crucial to acknowledge that there are consequences for falsely accusing someone of violence.

As time has passed and the complexities of cases like Heard’s continue to unravel, it prompts us to reflect deeply and ask ourselves: Are we now prepared to believe Amber Heard? Are we willing to extend that belief to all survivors of abuse, irrespective of their circumstances or the identities of their perpetrators?

These questions are not merely rhetorical. They demand introspection, empathy, and a commitment to fostering a culture of accountability and support for survivors. Until we can unequivocally answer “yes” to these questions, we will continue to perpetuate the cycle of silence and injustice that allows abuse to thrive unchecked in our society.

Image from Rotten Tomatoes Article

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

The Purpose of the Man versus Bear Hypothetical

The Purpose of the Man versus Bear Hypothetical

Posted on by Morgan Hart
Photo by Thomas Bonometti on Unsplash

“If you were lost in a forest all alone, would you rather be stuck with a bear or a man?”

This is the hypothetical question currently taking the internet by storm. The reason this question is getting so much attention and analysis is because overall, women are choosing the bear.

At first glance, this might seem like an absurd choice – after all, a bear represents a tangible, mortal threat, while a human being should theoretically offer companionship and assistance.

However, the grim reality underlying the choice of being alone with a bear rather than a man speaks volumes about the pervasive fear and trauma that women experience due to the actions of some men. It’s not that women are perceiving bears as cuddly companions or benevolent protectors; rather, it’s a stark reflection of the relentless onslaught of sexual assault, harassment, and misogyny that women face in society.

The bear, with its primal instincts and unpredictable behavior, represents a danger that is comprehensible, tangible, and ultimately devoid of malice. A bear sees a threat. A human.

In contrast, the man in this scenario embodies a far more insidious threat – one that is all too familiar to countless women. The fear of being trapped alone in the woods with a man isn’t just about physical harm; it’s about the psychological torment of being subjected to unwanted advances, coercion, and malicious violence. It’s about the pervasive sense of vulnerability that comes from knowing that your safety and autonomy can be shattered in an instant by someone who sees you as nothing more than an object to be dominated and controlled. A man sees a challenge. Sometimes, men don’t even see the woman as human.

The bear symbolizes death in this hypothetical. It can be hard for men to envision a scenario worse than death.

Ask Junko Furtua if she would prefer the man or the bear.

Ask Shannan Watts if she would prefer the man or the bear.

Ask LaVena Johnson if she would prefer the man or the bear.

Ask Tristyn Bailey if she would prefer the man or the bear.

Ask Lauren Giddings if she would prefer the man or the bear.

Ask Aiko Koo if she would prefer the man or the bear.

The truth of the matter is, this whole article could be filled with examples of women who were brutally murdered, tortured, and/or raped because a man did not see them as human.

Here is the part of the blog post where I must state the obvious: not all men.

But, based on the internet response to this hypothetical question, men are not understanding the point women are trying to make. As Twitter (X) user @simplyjennifer put it: “Men, this is a hypothetical question and you STILL won’t take no for an answer.”

Of all femicide cases in the “high-income” world, 70% are committed in the United States, and yet a Pew Research Center survey found that more than half of American men think sexism is over. Nearly 3 women in the U.S. are killed by an intimate partner every single day. And that is just the statistics for intimate partner violence – not including murders of women that take place because she rejected a man, or if a man simply decided he wanted to kill a woman that day.

Additionally – an estimated 91% of victims of rape & sexual assault are female. Nearly 99% of perpetrators are male.

Adding on to the bear analogy – if you survive a bear attack, nobody will question if the attack really happened. Nobody will blame you being attacked by a bear on the fact that you were wearing a short skirt. A judge/police officer/family member won’t tell you that you’re “ruining the bears life” by reporting the attack. Nobody will say that the bear is a “good guy” deep down even though it attacked you. Nobody will say that you liked the bear attack. Nobody will say that you were attacked by the bear for attention.

Photo by Sneha Sivarajan on Unsplash

The bear won’t use you to fulfill a sick fantasy. The bear won’t pretend to be your friend first. The bear won’t record the attack and send it to its friends. The bear won’t joke about it with its friends afterward. The bear might even run away if you scream loud enough. 

In saying that they’d choose the bear over the man, women are making a powerful statement about the reality of living in a world where the fear of men is often more palpable than the fear of wild animals. They are shining a light on the countless ways in which men perpetrate violence, hatred, and oppression against women, both in the wilderness and in the so-called safety of civilization.

But perhaps most importantly, they are asserting their right to exist free from the pervasive threat of male violence – to reclaim their autonomy and agency in a world that too often seeks to strip them of both. So the next time someone scoffs at the idea of choosing a bear over a man, perhaps it’s worth considering the harsh reality that lies beneath this seemingly absurd choice.

Holding other men accountable is the challenge I pose to the male readers of this blog. Listen to women, believe their experiences, and actively work to dismantle the systems of power and privilege that enable violence against them. If there is one rapist in a room with 9 non-rapists, but the non-rapists do nothing to stop the rapist – you might as well have 10 rapists in the room. We need the help of men to create a world where women can walk through the proverbial woods without fear, knowing that they are safe and respected.

After all, in a world where the fear of men looms large, sometimes the bear truly is the lesser of two evils.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Quiet on Set: A reflection of Drake Bell's story

Quiet on Set: A reflection of Drake Bell’s story

Posted on by Morgan Hart

“I often look back at that time and wonder how in the world did I survive?” – Drake Bell, Quiet on Set documentary.

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month and Child Abuse Prevention Month. In honor of that, I wanted to do a blog post about the new documentary “Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV” that highlights the extensive abuse child stars faced while working with Nickelodeon Studios in the late 90’s/early 2000’s. This documentary has taken social media by storm, prompting other Nick child stars to speak out against the abuse they faced in the industry. Claims from these actors range from emotional abuse, to physical violence, and to sexual assault.

In particular, Drake Bell (star of “Drake & Josh”) came forward with his story of sexual assault perpetrated by Bryan Peck – a dialogue coach hired to work with Nickelodeon actors. In 2003, Peck, 43 at the time, was arrested on 11 charges — including sodomy, lewd act upon a child 14 or 15 by a person 10 years older, and oral copulation by anesthesia or controlled substance.

How did it get to this point?

Shown in the documentary, Bell’s father was originally his manager and became uncomfortable about how much time Peck was spending time with his son. These feelings escalated so much that he went to production and told them. “I don’t see anything abnormal, but it just doesn’t — I don’t have a good feeling,’”

Bell’s father said he later backed away from being his son’s manager after feeling “ostracized,” and eventually, was pushed out of his son’s life. Because Drake Bell and his mother lived in Orange County, it seemed easier to stay at Peck’s home in L.A. when he had an audition.

Bryan Peck (Image from Us Magazine)

According to the documentary, spending time at Peck’s home wasn’t irregular for the kids of Nick. “All the parents loved him too. Everyone trusted Brian,” said Kyle Sullivan, who appeared on “The Amanda Show and “All That.”

“Your instinct is to give someone the benefit of the doubt if you’ve known them for that long, even in the face of this really bad sign,” said Sullivan. “This man, who is like trusted as basically a supervisor of kids, is not safe.”

Drake Bell also gave Peck the benefit of the doubt. He spent many nights at Peck’s – and then the first instance of rape happened.

Drake Bell (Image from KidsMusic)

“I was sleeping on the couch where I would usually sleep. I woke up to him — I opened my eyes, I woke up and he was sexually assaulting me. I froze and was in complete shock and had no idea what to do or how to react, and I have no idea how to get out of this situation,” Bell said. 15 at the time, he didn’t know what to do and it “became this secret” because he knew that if he stopped going to Peck’s, people would ask questions. Peck was “so apologetic,” saying it would never happen again.

“He figured out how to convince my mom and everyone around to, anytime I would have an audition or anytime I needed to work on dialogue or anything, I somehow ended up back at Brian’s house and it just got worse and worse and worse and worse. I was just trapped. I had no way out,” said Bell. “The abuse was extensive, and it got pretty brutal. I don’t know how to elaborate on that on

camera, really. Why don’t you think of the worst stuff that someone could do to somebody as a sexual assault, and then I’ll answer your question. I don’t know how else to put it.”

Bell didn’t immediately go to the police but says in the documentary that his girlfriend’s mother knew something was off after Peck called repeatedly one night when he was at their house. Peck’s attempts to contact Bell were so desperate that Peck ended up calling Bell’s girlfriend’s landline phone.

In August of 2003, Peck was finally arrested. At the time, no one at Nick knew who the victim was, and it remained that way until just a month ago (March of 2024). A few weeks after Peck’s arrest, Bell started filming “Drake & Josh” and loved his new role, but still “didn’t know how to process” the happiness and excitement of filming with the trauma he had experienced. “I think that led to a lot of self-destruction and a lot of self-loathing. I would try and just escape with alcohol abuse, substance abuse, really just anything to escape.”

Peck’s sentencing wasn’t until more than a year later in October 2004.

“I was hoping that the outcome would be that he goes to jail, he is there for a while and that he would never be able to work with kids again, which would in turn pretty much mean that you’re not gonna work in Hollywood, because very few productions don’t have a least one kid on the set,” said Bell. “That’s not what happened at all.”

The documentary details the letter of support Peck received – full of famous figures. The letters, partially read by a narrator, repeatedly expressed that Peck “must have been tempted or pushed beyond belief” in order to commit these crimes against a child.

A child.

In case this isn’t clear – children cannot “tempt” you into assaulting them. They are children.

Image from Deadline Article

“I looked at all of them and I just said, ‘How dare you?’ I said, ‘You will forever have the memory of sitting in this courtroom and defending this person. And I will forever have the memory of the person you’re defending violating me and doing unspeakable acts and crimes and that’s what I will remember.’” Bell said to the courtroom.

There were 41 letters written to the judge by friends, family and colleagues defending Peck’s character. Along with victim blaming a child, most shared how shocked they were by the allegations and most asked to give Peck probation.

In the end, Peck pleaded no contest to two charges of child sexual abuse. He was sentenced to 16 months in prison and ordered to register as a sex offender. After his release, Peck landed a job on Disney Channel’s “The Suite Life of Zack & Cody.”

Bell’s adult life came with his share of legal troubles following. In 2021, Bell was arrested and pleaded guilty to charges of attempted child endangerment and disseminating matter harmful to juveniles. He was sentenced to two years probation and 200 hours of community service. “I took responsibility for that, I did what was asked of me,” he said in the doc.

Many empirical studies have investigated a link between sexual victimization as a child and later sex offending or other delinquent behaviors. Although, sexually abusing others is a rare outcome of sexual victimization. In a study done in 2016 of more than 38,000 males, only 4% of them who were abused ended up becoming abusers themselves.

When reflecting on Drake Bell and who he is today it is important to remember that two things can be true at once: What happened to the child version of Bell was terrible, sad, and awful. With that, Bell grooming and exchanging inappropriate messages with minors is also terrible and he should still be held accountable for that.

At the end of the day, Drake Bell deserves justice for what Peck did to him, and it was brave of him to share his story on such a public platform.

I don’t want to conclude this by saying that child acting is all bad and should be avoided by caring parents. That’s not the case – in a healthy, uncorrupt environment, children can really thrive and start amazing careers in acting. I do want to conclude by giving warning signs of sexual abuse in children – knowing these things could dramatically change a child’s life.

Signs of child sexual abuse:

  • Sudden changes in behavior (becoming abnormally depressed, anxious, or angry).
  • Fear of being alone with a certain person.
  • Sudden, unexplained fears of certain places or kinds of people (such as all people with a particular feature or characteristic).
  • Fear of being touched.
  • Changes in quality of schoolwork or grades.
  • Discussions of secrets or withholding information about friends/family members.
  • Substance abuse.
  • Delinquency.
  • Self-mutilation or careless behaviors resulting in self-harm (in younger children, this can even look like soiling themselves so that they are “gross and untouchable”).
  • Excessive play or abnormal curiosity with their own private body parts.
  • Persistent sex play with friends, toys, or pets.
  • Difficulty of sleeping or fear of going to bed.
  • Frequent drawings that have sexual content.
  • Unusual, persistent, or developmentally inappropriate questioning about human sexuality

The signs of child sexual abuse can vary depending on the child’s developmental stage and the circumstances of the abuse, such as how frequent the abuse is, who is inflicting the abuse and what kind of abuse is happening.

When a child is sexually abused, they might not tell anyone about the abuse, for a variety of reasons. While there are sometimes signs and symptoms that may indicate sexual abuse has occurred, it is important to note that the presence of some of the signs does not confirm that sexual abuse has occurred. Some children might show many of the signs and others might show few or none at all.

“Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV” is available on the ID Channel, episodes will also stream on Max.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber

Listen and Believe Us: Guest writer shares story of sexual assault

Listen and Believe Us: Guest writer shares story of sexual assault

Posted on by Morgan Hart

“They” say middle school is the worst. Puberty, big feelings, pimples, first heartbreaks, braces, peer pressure; all the typical things they think a middle schooler goes through. Sure, they suck, but what nobody talks about is how many kids in school are going through some form of abuse. The definition of abuse is to “treat (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.”

There are many different types of abuse:

  • Physical abuse.
  • Domestic Violence or Intimate Partner Violence.
  • Sexual abuse.
  • Psychological or emotional abuse.
  • Financial or material abuse.
  • Human Trafficking.
  • Discriminatory abuse.
  • Organizational or institutional abuse.

Even though all of these are possible in schools, I’m going to share my experience about the sexual assault happening in school right now.

Photo by Taylor Flowe on Unsplash

I loved history class but what I didn’t love was sitting next to my ex-boyfriend. I knew that I didn’t have to sit next to him, but I was a people pleaser. We shared the same friends, and I didn’t want to end up alone. Even if we shared friends, it was obvious that they had a closer relationship with him. One day, the teacher gave us free time to work on whatever needed to get done. Still sitting next to each other, we were making small talk when he put his hand on my knee. I pushed it off. Then he put his hand high on my inner thigh near my bikini area. I kept pushing it off and he kept putting it back. This process continued to happen to the point where I began to make excuses to get up and avoid him. This went on for weeks. I ended up sick and started staying home from school more often because I wanted to avoid the situation.

It’s disgusting to expect a child to know how to process this type of situation and know how to protect themselves. I didn’t. I had a few friends who were helpful in supporting me, but they couldn’t stop the abuse. “He just liked you”, “It’s normal for kids to do that’, “I’m just playing around” and “It’s not that serious”. All these quotes are far too commonly said to victims. These things were said to me by people who I was told I could trust. If it weren’t for a teacher and my parents, it could have gotten way worse.

“Numerous studies suggest that sexual victimization in adolescence significantly increases the likelihood of sexual victimization in adulthood” says NSVRC.

I’m not even a few years past my first incident and I have already been revictimized. It is not because I didn’t know better this time or that I couldn’t stand up for myself. It happened because it started as a joke with just patting each other on the butt as we walked by. Even sports people do this to one another, it was consensual at this point, and it wasn’t a big deal, yet. The butt patting got to a full cupping. When it started to escalate and make me uncomfortable, I told this “friend” that I’d like it to stop because I was in fact uncomfortable. He would reply “it was just a joke”. I thought I was handling it well with what I learned from last time, but I was struggling still. It escalated to full violation of my inner butt-tocks area. My mom started to notice behavior changes in me and knew right away something serious was happening. Again, I was starting to get sick, this time I had more mental health issues on top of the physical sickness. I was missing school again. This time it was changing me. Why me, again?

We took this up the chain and all that the principal did was give a warning of suspension. Obviously, this guy found out I sought help and it got worse before it got “better”. He continued the sexual abuse more aggressively but now more out in the open. It was happening in the halls near teachers, as I went up the stairs in front of him, wherever he had the power to get away with it, it seemed to excite him. In the past, before my incident he accidentally brushed up against another girl’s breast and she complained to the principal, and he got suspended. This part is very difficult for me. I was screaming and crying for the adults at school to help protect me so I could learn. I had witnesses and proof. I had my parents backing me and trying to inform the school of the situation as well as how trauma works and it impacts people, especially young people like me. Nothing was done for me at the school when I was being violated and 

Photo by Ian Veenstra on Unsplash

ostracized for it! It only got “better” because I had to completely change my life to avoid being victimized over and over again.

You could be amazing friends. Your genders don’t matter; it could be girl with a girl, girl with a boy, boy with a girl, boy with a boy. You could be 7 feet tall. You could be “fat”. You could be black, white, purple, grey. You could be LGBTQ+. You could be unpopular or popular. You could be Christian, Catholic, Muslim, etc. You could be the perfect little cookie-cutter child. It doesn’t matter who you are. It can happen to you. Abuse does not discriminate.

One in 9 girls and One is 20 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault.

82% of all victims under 18 are female. Females ages 16-19 are 4 times more likely than the general population to be victims of rape, attempted rape, or sexual assault, says RAINN. The percentage of victimization goes up for individuals who are intellectually delayed, of minority races, and who identify as LGBTQ+. I want to remind you that these statistics are based on the individuals who actually made reports and does not include those who feel like they can’t speak up.

Photo by Tony Tran on Unsplash

Why are kids in school doing this to other kids? I believe that kids are learning this behavior from somewhere. It might be modeled by an adult in their life. Maybe they were assaulted at a young age. It might be social media and “Hollywood” glamorizing sexual assault. It might be lack of parenting or bad parenting and the kid is acting out in a highly inappropriate way. It might be a little or a lot of all the above!

How am I supposed to become a functioning adult if school is teaching kids like me that abuse is acceptable in school? My plea is that adults; rather you are a teacher, parent, counselor, librarian whatever, listen and believe us. We are already struggling with puberty, big feelings, pimples, first heartbreaks, braces, peer pressure; all the typical things they think a middle schooler goes through as I told you in the beginning. We do not need to struggle with this. Nobody deserves to be abused, especially kids.

In a perfect world this would’ve never happened. People would keep their hands to themselves as well as their comments. We don’t live in a perfect world so what I wish had happened is that the principal would have given my abusers suspension and moved classes from me instead of just the warning. I wish the principal would have been trauma informed enough, at least the second time I went in for help, to know that talking to me alone was only triggering my trauma. I wish that the principal was held to higher standards with his actions towards remedying this abuse rather than being “my school my rules”. I wish I was given resources that supported me, like an advocate with Options rather than having to figure it out myself.

You can be a voice for those who aren’t always able to use their own. I couldn’t use my voice at the time of my abuse, but I am healing. I hope that this blog brings awareness to what is the reality in our schools, in our lives.

Be the difference. Thank you so much for reading.

Written by an anonymous area high school student.

How can you protect your child from sexual assault?

There is no foolproof method in keeping your child safe from sexual assault, but there are steps you can take to reduce the risk. Such as:

  • Be involved in your child’s life. Show interest in what they do and how their daily lives look. Ask them how their lunch was, who their favorite teacher is, what games they’re playing, if they’re having fun. It is important to connect to show that you care.
  • Get to know the people in your child’s life. Choose caregivers carefully and know who your child is spending their time with.
  • Talk about viral stories in the media. Sexual violence is frequently covered by the news and portrayed in television shows. Talk to your child and ask questions about this coverage to start a conversation. Questions like, “Have you ever heard of this happening before?” or “What would you do if you were in this situation?” can signal to your child that these are important issues that they can talk about with you.
  • Teach your child about boundaries. Let your child know that no one has the right to touch them or make them feel uncomfortable — this includes hugs from grandparents or even tickling from mom or dad. It is important to let your child know that their body is their own. Just as importantly, remind your child that they do not have the right to touch someone else if that person does not want to be touched.
  • Don’t mince words when talking about bodies. It is important to use “real” language when teaching kids about their bodies. As in, they should know the actual names of their body parts. Giving something a “cutesy” name can diminish the seriousness of a disclosure. Teaching them the proper names gives them the opportunity to tell you exactly what is wrong.
  • Let them know they won’t get in trouble. Remind your child frequently that they will not get in trouble for talking to you, no matter what they need to say. When they do come to you, follow through on this promise and avoid punishing them for speaking up. Many perpetrators use secret-keeping or threats as a way of keeping children quiet about abuse.
  • Believe them, believe them, believe them. If a child ever discloses to you that they have been sexually assaulted – start by believing them. When someone knows that their voice will be heard and taken seriously, it gives them the courage to speak up when something isn’t right.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

They Dared to Speak

They Dared to Speak

Posted on by Morgan Hart

Profiles in Courage and Advocacy for Survivors

March marks Women’s History Month, a time to celebrate the accomplishments and contributions of women throughout history.

While we reflect on the progress made in various fields, it’s essential to spotlight the women who have been at the forefront of combating domestic violence and sexual assault. Their tireless efforts have not only raised awareness but also transformed policies, institutions, and societal attitudes. Let’s take a moment to recognize these remarkable leaders and their significant contributions.

Tarana Burke

Tarana Burke: Tarana Burke is a civil rights activist, community organizer, and the founder of the “Me Too” movement, which has become a global phenomenon in the fight against sexual harassment and assault. Born and raised in New York, Burke has dedicated her life to advocating for survivors and creating spaces for healing, empowerment, and social change. Burke first coined the phrase “Me Too” in 2006 as part of her work with survivors of sexual violence, particularly young women of color from marginalized communities. Through her experiences working with survivors, Burke recognized the need for a movement that centered on empathy, solidarity, and healing. The “Me Too” movement was born out of this vision, aiming to provide support and resources to survivors while challenging the culture of silence and shame that surrounds sexual violence. Although the movement gained widespread attention in 2017 when the #MeToo hashtag went viral on social media (following the Harvey Weinstein allegations), it was Burke’s years of grassroots activism that laid the foundation for its success. Burke’s leadership and advocacy have not only empowered survivors to speak out but also sparked a global conversation about the prevalence of sexual harassment and assault in various sectors of society. Beyond her work with the “Me Too” movement, Burke is a passionate advocate for racial and gender justice. She emphasizes the intersectional nature of sexual violence, highlighting how race, class, gender identity, and other factors intersect to shape individuals’ experiences of oppression and marginalization. Burke’s activism seeks to address these intersecting forms of inequality while centering the voices and experiences of those most impacted by sexual violence. In addition to her advocacy work, Burke is also an author, speaker, and educator who travels the world sharing her story and empowering others to join the fight against sexual violence. She continues to work tirelessly to build a world where all individuals are free from the fear of harassment, assault, and abuse.

Marsha P. Johnson: Marsha P. Johnson was a prominent transgender activist and a pivotal figure in the LGBTQ+ rights movement in the 1960s and 1970s. While not exclusively focused on gender-based violence, Johnson’s advocacy for marginalized communities intersects with issues of domestic violence and sexual assault (since LGBTQ+ individuals experience higher rates of these types of violence). As a founding member of the Gay Liberation Front and the Gay Activists Alliance, she fought against discrimination and violence targeting LGBTQ+ individuals, including cases of domestic violence and sexual assault within the community. Johnson’s legacy continues to inspire activists advocating for the rights and safety of all individuals, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation.

Marsha P. Johnson
Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: While renowned for her groundbreaking work in gender equality and women’s rights, Ruth Bader Ginsburg also played a crucial role in addressing issues of domestic violence and sexual assault. As a Supreme Court Justice, Ginsburg authored significant opinions that expanded legal protections for survivors and enhanced accountability for perpetrators. Her jurisprudence helped shape policies addressing gender-based violence and provided a legal framework for advocacy efforts seeking justice for survivors.

Anita Hill: Anita Hill is an American attorney, academic, and civil rights activist known for her courageous testimony during the 1991 confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. As a law professor at the time, Hill came forward with allegations of sexual harassment against Thomas, her former supervisor at the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). Hill’s testimony brought national attention to the issue of sexual harassment in the workplace and sparked a public conversation about gender dynamics and power structures. Despite facing intense scrutiny and backlash, Hill remained steadfast in her commitment to truth and accountability. Although Thomas was ultimately confirmed to the Supreme Court, Hill’s bravery paved the way for greater awareness and advocacy around sexual harassment and gender-based discrimination. Her testimony prompted changes in workplace policies and attitudes, inspiring countless women to speak out against harassment and demand accountability from perpetrators and institutions. In the decades since the hearings, Hill has continued her work as a champion for gender equality and social justice. She has written extensively on issues of race, gender, and workplace discrimination, advocating for systemic reforms to address systemic inequalities.

Anita Hill
Angela Davis

Angela Davis: Angela Davis is a scholar, activist, and author whose work encompasses various social justice issues, including domestic violence and sexual assault. Through her writings and activism, Davis highlights the intersections of race, gender, and class in experiences of violence and oppression. She advocates for comprehensive approaches that address the root causes of violence while promoting community-based solutions and support systems for survivors. Davis’s contributions to feminist theory and anti-violence movements continue to inspire generations of activists.

Tina Tchen: Tina Tchen is a prominent attorney, advocate, and leader in the fight against sexual harassment and gender-based discrimination. With a distinguished career spanning law, public service, and activism, Tchen has dedicated her life to advancing women’s rights and equality in the workplace. Tchen gained national recognition during her tenure as Chief of Staff to former First Lady Michelle Obama, where she played a pivotal role in initiatives such as Let Girls Learn and the Reach Higher education campaign. However, it is her current role as President and CEO of TIME’S UP that has cemented her legacy as a trailblazer in the movement to end sexual harassment and promote workplace equity. Under Tchen’s leadership, TIME’S UP has emerged as a powerful force for change, providing resources, advocacy, and legal support to survivors of sexual misconduct while advocating for systemic reforms in workplaces across industries. Tchen has been instrumental in spearheading campaigns such as the TIME’S UP Legal Defense Fund, which offers subsidized legal support to individuals facing sexual harassment and retaliation in the workplace. Through her work at TIME’S UP, Tchen has elevated the voices of survivors, held powerful institutions accountable for their actions, and helped catalyze a cultural shift towards greater transparency and accountability around issues of harassment and discrimination. Her tireless advocacy has led to concrete changes in workplace policies and practices, empowering individuals to come forward with their stories and demand justice. Beyond her work with TIME’S UP, Tchen continues to be a leading voice for gender equality, serving on numerous boards and advisory committees focused on women’s rights and social justice. Her commitment to amplifying marginalized voices and driving systemic change has earned her widespread admiration and respect within the advocacy community.

Tina Tchen

As we commemorate Women’s History Month, it is important to honor the trailblazing women who have dedicated their lives to ending domestic violence and sexual assault. Their courage, resilience, and unwavering commitment have transformed the landscape of advocacy, policy, and public discourse surrounding these critical issues.

By amplifying their voices and supporting their work, we can continue striving towards a world free from violence and oppression for all individuals, regardless of gender.

If you need any additional information, have a question, or a concern, feel free to reach out to Options at our 24-hour toll-free helpline 800-794-4624. You can also reach an advocate via text by texting HOPE to 847411 or click 24-Hour Chat with Options.

Written by Anniston Weber